Decisions

Have you ever sat down and looked at your life, your journey, your decisions and thought how did I end up where I am today? It seems when you do ask that question people automatically think it has a negative connotation. I can yes, but it as can be asked in a positive way too. I thought about this question a lot for the past couple of days. Ever since my dinner on Monday when my friend old me - "look how far you have come in a year!" I have thought about that many times as I know this is a true statement and other people have told me that as well. However, the difference between the way I have previously thought about this and the way I thought about it now was what were the decisions I made to get me where I am today?

I got to thinking about the current ones which have mostly been great! This journey has been one that I truly know I will look back and have positive memories from. I have not only been becoming a healthier person in more ways than one, but I have learned soo much about myself in the process. That to me is even more valuable than losing inches and pounds. 

Those are the easy decisions to think about to be happy about, but then I got to thinking about how I got to the place where I needed to start a journey to become healthier. I have loved the show Biggest Loser for so many years, not because the people lose weight and it's awesome to see their transformation, but because of the journey they go on about finding themselves and learning what the true problem is because food is just a side effect, not the real problem. Food is a way to temporarily make the bad, sad, negative thoughts go away even for a short time. It is also a way to hide what you truly feel by eating to ignore the problem. Each person's circumstances are different but it typically boils down to this. I thought about this and then thought back over the past 2, 3, 5 years and things started to make sense. Those that know me know most of the story, those that don't well there isn't enough blog space to type it all. haha! The nutshell version, I finished swimming in 2007 and "lost" my identity as a person; most people who have done a sport all their life can relate to that one and understand what I mean. I then started grad school because I was lost and didn't know what else to do but had a free year and figured it was easier to stay where I was comfortable and not face life yet. I wanted to quit after my 1st semester but thankfully I met one of my best friends who was kinda feeling the same way and we definitely helped save each other and help each other be happy and make it through grad school; I love her soo much and definitely have her to thank for getting me through those years. I love learning but all the other stuff wasn't for me! haha! I then finished grad school at the worst part of the resession and couldn't find a job, moved in with my boyfriend at the time, money was very very tight and things just went downhill. I thought I found a great job at the beginning of 2010, turned out I was wrong and it made things worse, however, I met a great group of people which many turned into great friends so I was thankful for that. Things were going badly with my Ex(now) and that didn't make things easier and eventually split up in July 2010 and he moved away shortly after. Around the same time I made the decision to take a Leap of Faith and decided at the end of July I would quit my job, sell everything I owned except what would fit in my car, packed up my dog and cat, had to empty and move out all on my own and drove the 24 hours to my parents house. I wanted to find a job that I liked in the area I studied and enjoyed and not just take a whatever job because that was making me unhappy. Then some evnts happened and a week and a half after arriving at my parents house I had to move again to Jacksonville. I would make the same decision again and probably even quicker but it was definitely hard at first not knowing anyone, I had had a terrible year so far and the past month, month and half was the hardest time I had ever been through.

Things during the end of 2009 and all of 2010 basically were terrible. No wonder I was unhappy, upsset with myself, let myself go, and became unhealthy. I wouldn't be where I am today without those experiences so I don't look at them as something I wish I could redo or take back. I look at the decisions once I got to a place where I could start changing my life and how I have changed and that part of the journey, this chapter in my life I am proud of. I am proud of the decisions I have made to make my life one that I can enjoy. It's funny how when you are happy things just are easier I will be the first person to tell you that is the truth, but it's how you pull yourself out, how you chose to change that really is what you should look at. Anyone can stay down it's "easy", it's the difficult decisions to change ,that really is what you should remember, not even the positive outcome, it's the journey remember what you had to go through and how you went through it. Those are the decisions I was reflecting on and I am happy I made every single one of them!