Behind the Issue(s)

I have had a few questions from those that did not know me when I was swimming as to why I have the issue(s) with food that I have. I decided that including a "personal about me" blog to explain this, to give some background into why I am doing this blog would be beneficial and justified.

First you have to know that swimming was my choice as a young kid. My parents "threw me" into the water when I was a year old, put me in swim lessons when I was 2-3 and by the time I was 3 I could dive down 14 feet and retrieve dive rings. Many a lifeguards jumped in after me! I joined my first summer league team when I was 5 and USS team (competitive league) when I was 6. They also put me in other sports, but by the time I was in middle school swimming was my life.

I swam for 16 years of my life; 5 to 21 when I retired and finished swimming. If you do not know much about swimming, swimmers work out ALL the time! They are in the water sometimes 2 times a day for hours each time, lift weights, and do "dryland" (it's what swimmers call conditioning). Swimmers bodies become machines and can look that way. However, women swimmers definitely can look "bulky" compared to other high level athletes like runners or cyclists. I was definitely one of those girls my whole life; a bulky girl. My genes give me a 'big bone" frame and I will definitely NEVER be a petite woman and I am okay with that as that is not what I am looking for in the slightest.

I struggled through college with knee problem, self-esteem issues, and confidence in swimming from the beginning of my freshman year through my junior year. Finally my senior I overcame A LOT and decide to meet with the sports nutritionist to give myself the best shot to do well and she put me on a special "diet" just for me. My "diet"was to eat 3000-3500 healthy calories (yes you read that correctly), eat my body weight in grams of protein and carbs (140-145g), and make sure that I was getting ALL my servings of fruits and veggies every day. That was a diet I had to consciously work at to make sure I was hitting the targets, but it soon became second nature to me. I started losing weight and building lean muscle right away and got down to the smallest I had been in probably 6-8 years. I weighed 135lbs, had 15.9% body fat (which was the lowest I had ever been in college and for me was TINY!) and was in the best shape of my life.

I finished swimming in March of 2007 and I struggled from that point forward with eating. How do you go from eating 3000-3500 calories a day and working out enough to burn all that plus more off to doing nothing and trying to only eat 1200-1500 calories? I STARVED FOR MONTHS! Not because I didn't eat, but because I knew I couldn't allow myself to eat the 3000+ calories a day without working out like a did before, so I didn't let myself eat that much. My body had to adjust to the less food intake and it didn't like it at all. I finally gave in and ate what I wanted after a while. I kept this up and didn't work out for 4 years! Yes again you read that right, I didn't work out for 4 years! 16 years of CRAZY working out and I wanted to be done with exercise. I didn't have the motivation any longer to work out, I didn't like working out by myself, I didn't like working out just to work out, there was nothing to train for anymore, so what was the point?

I had been drilled for years on what was good to eat and what wasn't and I threw that out the window! Granted I can't eat like I use to, I could eat an entire large pizza when I was swimming and not think twice about it because I knew I would burn it off the next morning. Now I can't eat the whole pizza but I can polish off half if I let myself, and have let myself. I still have a big appetite and LOVE to eat. I can eat all day all the time and love all food! That’s my problem, I still eat kinda like I did when I was swimming but I don’t burn the calories like I use to. I don’t know how to eat like a normal person. I have never eaten like a normal person before, ever!

I got on the scale last year and it said 194lbs! (That is the 1st time I have ever told ANYONE that #) I couldn’t believe I had let myself get that out of control. Someone that was so discipline, someone that was so driven and excited about life let themselves slip and gain basically 60lbs. I told myself that I would change right then. I lost 13lbs for my best friend’s wedding in November – still was the heifer of the bridesmaids. I HATE the pictures because I feel like I screwed them up because I was popping out of my dress and just looked bad. I didn’t look happy and I hated that! I have since started running and working out more. I have only lost 4lbs since and that is frustrating! I have however toned up and leaned out which is good and have even been asked how much I have lost. I never have told the number since it is only 4, but reply with “thank you, it’s a work in progress”.

This is the reason that I started the blog, the frustration behind not being able to lose weight, the frustration with not being able to still control eating, the frustration with not being to understand portion control and being honest about what I am doing about all of it. Swimming was my choice and if I had to do it all over I would do it again. I don’t blame swimming, I just know that it is a huge part of the issues I am dealing with now. This is a work in progress like I have said, but the journey does excite me and is now what is motivating me. You have to be honest and that is my diet now! :)