Dumbbells

Last night I read through a lot of my blogs starting from the beginning and working towards the present. I was a tad shocked at just the tone of my blogs and how they changed throughout. There were some highs and lows and ones where I definitely just bitched and some that I bragged about myself, but what I realized is that I was being true to me and what I want to get out of this blog so that made me happy. I started re-reading them last night because this weekend is the weekend I have been looking forward to for MONTHS! I get to see soo many of my old friends from college and that's been my motivation, my drive for the past couple of months to look better so no one saw me the way I was 31 pounds ago! YAY!

I wanted to re-read them because I wanted to view my journey again and make sure I know why I chose to start, why I wanted the change and it's not about the highs really, it's about the lows honestly. It's how I worked through them, how I chose to overcome them, and what worked for me and didn't work for me these past few months. It's always great when there are highs and successes, but its the times when we fall down, when we are struggling, and when we are down on ourselves and let the old habits creep back in for a moment that we learn and grow. On Tuesday I was down in the workout room at work and I picked up a 30 lb dumbbell and I couldn't believe that I had all of that plus some on me a year ago! I then picked up a 55 lb weight as that is what I gained in total from the biggest # I know of (however I know I was bigger I just never weighted myself) I actually stood there, dumbbell in hands and I got a little bit emotional because I really couldn't believe I let myself go as much as I did. I know 55 lbs isn't an enormous amount of weight that someone can gain, but when you use to be someone that was always in great shape for the majority of their life, that was a lot heavier of a 55 lb weight then it really was. If you are someone that has recently or over a period of time gained weight, go pick up the dumbbell that you gained and you will be amazed! 55 lbs wasn't easy to pick up and I carried that around on me everyday?! No wonder I would be out of breath from just running a little bit or really anything that that evolved anything beyond the normal.

I finally picked up the 20 and 2.5 lb weights as I have 22 lbs left until I get to my goal and I just smiled! Yes it wasn't light, but it hasn't heavy either. I now had a tangible goal, something I could put my hands on and pick up to lose. I understood what I had left to do and it became real again. I smiled because I knew I could do that! If I could pick up the 30 lb weight and feel a relief that was gone, I can do another 22 lbs!

I am looking forward to this weekend and am confident about me and feel my self-esteem is higher than it has been in years and I hope that is what they see. The inches and pounds are a great icing on the cake, but it's my view of myself, my self-esteem that has been changed! I am not saying I hope people notice or comment, that's not the point, what I mean is that my happiness and how I carry myself has changed and that is what I want people to "see" in me. Regardless if they do or don't, I know it and honestly that really is all that matters! :)

This is my Friday and I doubt I will have time to post anything until Sunday possibly when I get back into town. Therefore everyone enjoy our weekends because I know I will!!! Those that will be in Aggieland this weekend I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL IT'S GOING TO BE A BLAST!!!!!!!