Missing You!

Well the past 3-4 days have been a whirlwind of emotions that's for sure! I have written this blog a few times, as I don't know how to share my weekend. I have narrated but found it too long, and then just briefly said what happened but that doesn't help understand the roller coaster I have been on. So I am hoping that the 3rd time is the charm. Thursday evening after work until my boyfriend left around 2:30pm on Friday we were together the whole time. We had a great evening at his favorite bar watching his favorite team, the Packers and had a great talk later about what was to come in the next year reassuring me of us - I thank him for that! Friday was hard helping him pack up his car. Cleaning out his room of all his possessions that he wanted to take. I wanted to just take stuff out of his car as he put them in so it took him longer to leave. haha! I didn't want him to leave! It was soo hard when I was standing there in the driveway hugging him good bye that I finally couldn't hold back the tears any longer and they came out. That was the first time he had ever seen me cry and following him out in my car, the moment he pulled out of sight as I was turning and he was going straight the tears just flowed down my face. I mean I will see him next weekend, but it's just that he no longer lives in the same place I do, he was moving away and we had to visit each other from that point forward for the next year that made me cry.

That night there was a bunch of my friends going downtown for this big Jaguar block party and I could have gone but I just wanted to stay home and just be sad. Sometimes that is just healthy and trying to pretend that your aren't just just pushing through makes things worse because you don't confront the sadness. I made dinner with my sister, did laundry and waited for his call that he made it okay. I just wanted to talk to him and make sure everything went okay getting there. Saturday I went and played with some kids at Daniel's Kids Foundation, spent some time with a friend afterwards and then watched a movie and grilled myself a nice steak. Sunday I went and got a great lunch and a pedicure with my boyfriend's mom. She had never gotten a pedicure before so we had been trying to get together so I could take her. It was a great afternoon!

The emotional rollarcoaster is when I am by myself. You see I live with my sister but she was pulling a double as a CNA and worked from 7am to 11pm both Saturday and Sunday which means I am basically home along all weekend long. When I was out and doing things my mind was off of my boyfriend and was having a good time. When I am at home I have been struggling a little bit. It's not like I am "struggling" but I am sad as typically I would have been with him as the weekends we were always together basically the whole time. I spent the weekend thinking about the past good times we have had, our future plans, and wishful future plans. haha!

I basically didn't really care about my diet this weekend. I didn't do anything crazy, in fact no sweets were eaten, I did drink but nothing crazy, and just ate leftovers and grilled. I did eat more snacks than normal but whatever. I actually got on the scale this morning and was the smallest I have been in a year and half - 168.4lbs! I have been trying soooo hard to reach 160 something and it's funny to me it came on this weekend and even this week when I have been soo stressed, emotions pulled in so many ways, and eating habits obviously not normal. I had a cheese burger Friday for dinner! haha! :) (that damn cheeseburger! haha - The cheeseburger always looks better!) I do however have a small worry that in the weeks to come when I have a vulnerable and weak moment that I will revert to old habits. Hopefully what I have been through these past couple of months, my friends on MFP, and the ones I love will all pop into my head and I will make good choices. Here's to hoping right because that's all you can do!

For now though please make this week fly by so it can be Friday and I can see my boyfriend and go to my favorite band's concert, Incubus! Needless to say I am definitely looking forward to this coming weekend! Missing you already babe!




Later Addition:
I MUST put a little something about today as well - I will NEVER forget 9/11/01! Today is a day to remember, be proud to be and American and continue to live and embrace the freedoms we charish in our country!