2 More Weeks

Today is the end of the September Challenge. I ended up losing 5.8 lbs during the month of September - YAY!! That's just under 1.5 lbs a week. I'll take it for sure! The part though that I am scratching my head about is that in August I was completely gung-ho working out and staying within my calorie intake and I only lost like 3 lbs and then this month you can probably count the number of times I worked out on 1 hand and the amount of times I stayed within or even tracked my calories on 2 hands. I just don't get it! When I am good I don't lose and when I am not good I do... can someone explain this too me? Granted my not soo good is no where near as bad as it use to be so I know that helps, but still I am puzzled to how this all works. It also brings the question of i wonder if I was gung-ho this month would I have lost more? I shouldn't even think about the "what ifs" as they will only ever be that, however, it is an interesting thought at times.

Tomorrow starts a new month in my journey, another step along to me becoming the person I really want to become. I started this near the beginning of June with the thought that I didn't want my friends that knew me at my best shape, my best period to see me the way I was. I was embarrassed how much I let myself go and how unhealthy I had become. I have lost 13.5 lbs in the last 3.5 months. It's not a ton but it's something to be proud about that is for sure! Even more than that I have dropped from a size 12 (and a tight 12 at that, occasionally a 14) to a size 8 and they are already starting to be lose. That is what I am most proud of, the inches that has melted off of me, the choices that I now make and the new found energy that I am building! I have 2 more weeks - Yes I can't wait just 2 more weeks until I am back at the school I love so much with all my wonderful friends watching my Aggies BTHO of the Baylor Bears! WHOOP! haha! Anyway, I am looking forward to going back and being proud of what I have done. I know I am not done and still have a ways to go, but I am moving along the right path and will be proud to show my face and not embarrassed about the way look.

So 2 more weeks - what can I accomplish in 2 more weeks? Challenge anyone? Bets anyone?

Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend!!!

Decisions

Have you ever sat down and looked at your life, your journey, your decisions and thought how did I end up where I am today? It seems when you do ask that question people automatically think it has a negative connotation. I can yes, but it as can be asked in a positive way too. I thought about this question a lot for the past couple of days. Ever since my dinner on Monday when my friend old me - "look how far you have come in a year!" I have thought about that many times as I know this is a true statement and other people have told me that as well. However, the difference between the way I have previously thought about this and the way I thought about it now was what were the decisions I made to get me where I am today?

I got to thinking about the current ones which have mostly been great! This journey has been one that I truly know I will look back and have positive memories from. I have not only been becoming a healthier person in more ways than one, but I have learned soo much about myself in the process. That to me is even more valuable than losing inches and pounds. 

Those are the easy decisions to think about to be happy about, but then I got to thinking about how I got to the place where I needed to start a journey to become healthier. I have loved the show Biggest Loser for so many years, not because the people lose weight and it's awesome to see their transformation, but because of the journey they go on about finding themselves and learning what the true problem is because food is just a side effect, not the real problem. Food is a way to temporarily make the bad, sad, negative thoughts go away even for a short time. It is also a way to hide what you truly feel by eating to ignore the problem. Each person's circumstances are different but it typically boils down to this. I thought about this and then thought back over the past 2, 3, 5 years and things started to make sense. Those that know me know most of the story, those that don't well there isn't enough blog space to type it all. haha! The nutshell version, I finished swimming in 2007 and "lost" my identity as a person; most people who have done a sport all their life can relate to that one and understand what I mean. I then started grad school because I was lost and didn't know what else to do but had a free year and figured it was easier to stay where I was comfortable and not face life yet. I wanted to quit after my 1st semester but thankfully I met one of my best friends who was kinda feeling the same way and we definitely helped save each other and help each other be happy and make it through grad school; I love her soo much and definitely have her to thank for getting me through those years. I love learning but all the other stuff wasn't for me! haha! I then finished grad school at the worst part of the resession and couldn't find a job, moved in with my boyfriend at the time, money was very very tight and things just went downhill. I thought I found a great job at the beginning of 2010, turned out I was wrong and it made things worse, however, I met a great group of people which many turned into great friends so I was thankful for that. Things were going badly with my Ex(now) and that didn't make things easier and eventually split up in July 2010 and he moved away shortly after. Around the same time I made the decision to take a Leap of Faith and decided at the end of July I would quit my job, sell everything I owned except what would fit in my car, packed up my dog and cat, had to empty and move out all on my own and drove the 24 hours to my parents house. I wanted to find a job that I liked in the area I studied and enjoyed and not just take a whatever job because that was making me unhappy. Then some evnts happened and a week and a half after arriving at my parents house I had to move again to Jacksonville. I would make the same decision again and probably even quicker but it was definitely hard at first not knowing anyone, I had had a terrible year so far and the past month, month and half was the hardest time I had ever been through.

Things during the end of 2009 and all of 2010 basically were terrible. No wonder I was unhappy, upsset with myself, let myself go, and became unhealthy. I wouldn't be where I am today without those experiences so I don't look at them as something I wish I could redo or take back. I look at the decisions once I got to a place where I could start changing my life and how I have changed and that part of the journey, this chapter in my life I am proud of. I am proud of the decisions I have made to make my life one that I can enjoy. It's funny how when you are happy things just are easier I will be the first person to tell you that is the truth, but it's how you pull yourself out, how you chose to change that really is what you should look at. Anyone can stay down it's "easy", it's the difficult decisions to change ,that really is what you should remember, not even the positive outcome, it's the journey remember what you had to go through and how you went through it. Those are the decisions I was reflecting on and I am happy I made every single one of them!

Today is MY day!

Well I have to leave in 5 minutes for an offsite meeting and don't have time to do a full blog today. What I can say is today is another "EX" day and hopefully our discussion will be finalized after tonight. I pray because I just want it to be over. I am not stressed out about it, in fact I really am not even worried or thinking about it because honestly at this point what I can do has been done and during the conversation I will only be able to control me, so what is there to worry about?

Today WILL be a good day and it will be because I make it on my terms! :) Happy Wednesday everyone I hope you have a splendid day!!!!

Good Friends, Wine & Food is my Spoon Full of Medicine!

I've been asked a couple of times how do I figure out what to write every day Monday-Friday for my blog? It seems like lately there has just been soooo much going on in my life that it has been coming pretty naturally. Granted there are days that my blogs are better than others, I am well aware of that and will be the first to admit it. However, this blog is for me, it is a place that I can virtually capture what happened that day or the day before and that is my focus. I come back and re-read what I have been through so that when similar situations arise I know how I have handled them before, did it work, did it not work etc. I have enjoyed greatly the support and followers of my blog and that just is the cherry on top that makes this so much more fun and enjoyable too. I truly do look forward to each morning sitting down and writing my blog. It's a great reflecting time for me - what do I want to remember/ get out of the day before? That's the truly interesting part about this experience. When you write something down it has the opportunity to live, have a breath of life and have a chance to last, hang around even if your mind chooses to forget it. You can always re-read what you wrote and that moment becomes real again.

Those are the moments that I am recording, those are the moments - the good and the bad that I want to remember along this journey. Where did I start? What were the high moments, the low moments, the times that I was truly frustrated or excited about the events in my life? This blog has helped me realize that stress has really played a big part into why I was where I was months ago. I know that should be an easy one to realize but, honestly how many people can honestly believe themselves that stress has had a large part in shaping who they have become and then after that start making conscience decisions to change that part in their lives, become less stressful, choose to not dwell in the things they have no control over? I hope you are one of those people that can say you have done that or are able to do that, but I know for me, until I started this blog I really couldn't. It took something like this for me to realize how much it was affecting me and I have been taking steps to control my stress. There is no way to eliminate stress from your life, but to be able to be in some kind of control of it has definitely helped.

Yesterday was a prime example. I did 2 things to help me - things at work lately have been crazy and at lunch I made myself go do a small workout even though I really didn't want to. It wasn't anything crazy, 30 minutes on the treadmill at no crazy speeds but afterwards I just felt better. I was more awake, the day seemed to go by better and I just was happier. Then after work I met a friend for good food, good wine, and good conversation. It's amazing how a great friend can just make you feel better, help straighten out your life and make things seem okay. I have a crazy week this week, and making time for that helps in the long run and I am sooo glad that I made time for her. Plus the down pour of rain was a wonderful mishap because we decided to head back inside to the bar and enjoy another glass of wine and conversation. :) Thanks Mother Nature! :) hahaha!
 

De-Stress

Well today is the start of another week and I plan for it to be a good one. I have A LOT to do this week both personal and at work so it definitely has the potential to be stressful but I am ready for it. I know if I plan right I will be able to make it through smoothly. :) Last week I started off the week just terrible but was proud of myself because I turned it around! The key word in that sentence is "I" for me because I very well could have just let it stay miserable and left it at that. I made the conscious decision to NOT let things bother me and turn it around and it worked... yay! :)

Okay so I have to confess something I was TERRIBLE this weekend on my eating and exercise! Here's the breakdown:

Friday dinner - 2 pieces of DiGiorno pizza and beer
Saturday breakfast - slept through but that's normal for the weekend
Saturday "lunch" - 1 piece of DiGiorno pizza
Saturday lunch/dinner - a small piece of thin crust sausage and tomato pizza at chicago pizza, a side salad (forgot to say no cheese and then didn't pick it off), 1/2 an order of the chicken parm sandwich and fries and beer - went to Chicago Pizza with fellow Aggies to watch the game
Sunday brunch/lunch - 1/2 "The Don Patrol" at my favorite restaurant in town - it's a huge tortilla with black beans, chorizo, sunny side up egg, potatoes, and cheese. I also had chips and salsa and a Bloody Maria.
Sunday dinner - 1 piece of leftover chicago style sausage and peppers pizza from chicago Pizza and a beer oh and 1/2 a piece of banana cheesecake from teh Cheesecake Factory (it was blissful!)

The only exercise I got was kickball on Friday night and it wasn't like that was a ton either. However, this morning I stepped on the scale and I am down 1.3lbs - 165.8 lbs now! WTF!?! I don't get it but will take it. Maybe I just finally am destressing and it's paying off because that's the only thing I can think about. I found this article this morning about the body and stress and how different chemicals in our body and how our body reacts, it's a really interesting read if you have a few minutes - http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/can-stress-cause-weight-gain I haven't posted a link in a while and I think this one is definitely appropriate as it seems lately a lot of people besides myself have been stressed out with something in their lives.

This week my goal is to be as stress-free as possible. If something is stressing me out, I am going to stop take a moment look at the situation and figure out what is going to to make it stressful and change. I have to stop with this stressing out and letting things get to me as it is driving me crazy lately. This weekend I made that decision as I had a difficult conversation with my parents on a topic I have been avoiding telling them for some time now. It was really hard but afterwards I felt soo much better as I finally had it off my chest and it went so much better than I thought. It seems like half the stress we have in our lives we build up in our own minds. Things typically aren't as bad as we make them out to be and I definitely learned that this weekend.

Okay well it's time to start this week and I have a smile on my face and a positive attitude - let's just pray it stays there all week!!!

I made it a GREAT week!

GOOD MORNING! It's FRIDAY!!! :) YIPPIE!!! Okay so if it isn't apparent that I am in a good mood I don't know what else to do except say I AM IN A GOOD MOOD!!! :) haha

Last night was soooooo much fun! OMG Incubus was AMAZING!!! I was the closest I have ever been to them. Seriously like 5 people in front of me to Brandon Boyd - HELLO! haha (sorry babe - I love you!) I got a ton of great pictures and video and to see them twice in a week was bliss and amazing. This time though they did 2 acoustic songs and it was fabulous. That made this concert better than the one in Charlotte. The other great part was that I went with my sister. It was just us 2 and that was great! I love love love doing things with just us 2. We always have a great time together and are both so goofy and alike in our goofiness that it just makes things that much more fun. LOVE IT!

Last night was great I enjoyed myself, I didn't think about anything negative in my life and just enjoyed life. I did miss my boyfriend a lot as there was songs that they played in Charlotte that he sang in my ear and I just smiled thinking of him singing them to me again. :) I know gushy stuff I'm sorry. But looking back at yesterday I really am proud of myself, I am making this week about me and it has been SOOO MUCH better than I anticipated on Monday. It has had it's bumps as you have read, but I thought the whole week was going to be a downer and I as basing that off of one event really. Stupid me I know but I realized this and have not been focusing on it and it has helped. YAY!

Tonight I have my first kickball game. I know it's totally dorky but I am sooo excited about it. A bunch of people I know here have been doing it since I got here and it always seems like a lot of fun and so this summer I got asked to join a new team that was being created for this fall and of course I jumped at the opportunity. It's not very competitive, it's mostly just a bunch of adults getting together to have fun and then go drink afterwards. I say it's a win win all around. Plus I mean who doesn't love playing grade school games again huh?! My team is called the Bunt Cakes and our color is purple so it's definitely going to a lot of fun. I will have to tell you about it next week. Plus what a great way to get in a little bit of exercise in a different way. LOVE IT!

BTW - I am going to eat Mexican for lunch today and I have decided to have the chimichanga that I have been craving for soo long! I have had it there, know it's yummy but it also isn't very big so I can't be temped to over eat. I know it wil be LOTS of calories, but you know what you have to live a little and to deprive yourself of the things you really want all the time is not life I'm sorry. I love life and have been soo happy lately. I have been doing the right things too so what's wrong with a little "bad" in moderation?! I just wanted to put it on here because I am not hiding my choices and in fact love and embrace them. :)

Enjoy your weekend everyone and HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!

STRONG Woman

I have decided this week is about growing and becoming a better person! There has been 1 person in my life that never brought the good out in me, always brought me down, made me cry more than any other person in my entire life, and now looking back didn't treat nor appreciate me the way I deserved! Everyone has at least one of these and typically it is an Ex! Ding Ding Ding - if you haven't already figured out who I have been talking about and guessed it was an Ex you were correct. I don't like to type names so I will just leave it at that.

Yesterday I was sooo proud of myself. I wanted to go swimming after work but was a tad hesitant because of the phone call that was suppose to happen last night. I decided at work, especially after re-reading my blog I wrote yesterday - Friends! - that NO I was not going to let him affect my life, change things in my life, or make me upset any longer. Well the upset part got thrown out the window last night which I will get to in a second. I wasn't feeling that great, stupid sinuses, but I drove to the YMCA put my swim suit on and jumped in the water. I did 2300 yards, not very much as I did want to get home because of the call and eat dinner and not feel rushed. Also I wasn't feeling well and it had been a week and a half since I had been in. I did 2 challenge sets from the swimming group I am part of on MFP; they both kicked my butt! Thanks Em! haha! The last thing I did was 8x75s free, 2 @1:10, 2 @1:05, 2 @ 1:00 and 2 @ :55. I was touch and go on the last 2 but I made them! It was really hard and my body hurt but I pushed myself and did something I didn't think I would honestly be able to do. YAY! I love proving yourself wrong. haha! :)

I got home and my sister made this amazing Shepard's Pie but a healthy version where she substituted the potatoes for pureed cauliflower. I know it sounds a tad strange but seriously unless you had the real thing next to it to compare you wouldn't have missed the potatoes. It was delicious! We had a nice sit at the table family dinner and it was great, relaxing! I love having family dinners! :)

Well afterwards I sat on the couch all ready and awaiting his call. We had agreed last Thursday that we would talk this week on Wednesday and he would call me. I told him to please not call before 7pm EST since I work out after work but that I am hour ahead of him so please not to late. I at least gave him a 30 minute window when I called him but he of course couldn't do that for me. 8:15pm rolled around and I hadn't heard from him so I decided to call him. I wasn't feeling 100% and wanted to go to bed early. I dialed his number and it went straight to voicemail - YUP the jackass had turned off his phone! Really who does that!? It shouldn't have surprised me since he un-friended me on facebook too. I guess he will never grow up and continue to act like a child. It pissed me off which then I was pissed off at myself that I was letting this get to me. See what I mean by I threw it out the window. I mean how could this not piss someone off. You set a specific time to talk and they act like a coward and child. Thankfully my boyfriend now is amazing and took my mind off things and calmed me down and made things right again. Seriously I love this kid! haha!

Today though yes I am still pissed as hell about this, but I am going to have a great day and I am determined to make it that way! There are a bunch of ladies going out for one of our co-worker's birthdays to this amazing Thai restaurant so I am very excited about that. Then tonight I am seeing Incubus AGAIN but with my sister, just her and I and we have pit tickets!!!! I have never been that close to Incubus before and can't flipping wait! It is going to absolutely amazing! Today is going to be great because I will make it great. I have grown from someone that would let this knock her down and I will not let myself revert to my old habits. I am stronger than that and I am proud to say that. BTW I woke up this morning and lost 0.1lbs, I know not a lot but that means that I am the smallest I have even been in the last well probably 2 years! 167.1 lbs! :) YAY me!!!

Friends!

As an ode to a great, amazing friend - Happy Hump Day! :)

Today marks the middle of the week where all things should be downhill after today and into the weekend. This couldn't be a more true statement. I have been dreading this day for almost a week now. Tonight I am having another conversation with a person from my past. This is the situation that I have been mentioned lately that has had me very stressed out and upset lately. Hopefully after this conversation we will be 1 step closer to resolving this matter and I can close this chapter in my life.

This journey I have been on for almost a year now has taught me A LOT of lessons. One that I really have taken away and made a part of my life is celebrating even the smallest positive things in any situation. Even in what seems to be a terrible, upsetting or challenging situation, I guarantee that you can find a small glimpse of positive light. The trick is focusing on that positive and not letting the bad, the negative, or what seems to be a mountain of challenge take over your mind set and attitude.

This situation that I am currently dealing with definitely consumed a lot of my life lately I know that. I have let it, but even with the above said, something that you are passionate about or is so close to you can't not become a large part of your life. The trick is if you let it change your attitude. Last week I did let it affect me more than I should, I wasn't sleeping well, my stomach was in knots, and I let myself get stressed out. However, looking back the next day as I drove to Charlotte I realized how many amazing friends I have. These people have known me for a while and have seen how much I have changed in the past year, year and half, have been soo supportive and then when this situation reared its ugly head they were right there for me. I also have an amazing sister and mother who have done the same and a boyfriend who there are no words to describe how amazing he has been as it is not his "dirty laundry" and he always says "we'll get through this babe"! I am truly lucky to have soo many people that really care about me and want to see me succeed in all aspects of my life. Thank You ALL!

These are the things that I have been focusing on ever since and made the decision that whatever happens tonight happens. I can only control so much and me, and I will stand up for me and my beliefs and that's all I can do. I have slept great the past few night, minus this terrible sinus headache I have had for 3 days now and drugs are only suppressing it, not killing it but oh well! You may be wondering why I am talking about this in my blog about eating right and exercising but this blog is about finding me again, the journey I am on and all the bumps and bruises, joy and highs that come along with that path. Right now this is something that has been affecting me and has definitely thrown me for a spin, but decisions I have made as a result, NOT turning to food as a comfort, NOT eating poorly, NOT not eating, these are the things that are the successes as well. I didn’t work out like I should, but I also didn't stress myself out that I didn't work out. These are all things I am proud of and excited about. These are the things I am focusing on and why I am keep a smile on my face today and going to come out of this evening's conversation with grace and knowing that I was me and that's all I can be.



Have a great Hump Day and I will let you know how things go tomorrow!!!

Short & Sweet

Today I feel like crap again! This is going to be a short and sweet blog as I have to go into an ALL morning budget meeting - YIPPIE! haha! I felt like crap yesterday with a terrible sinus headache so I didn't go swim after work. I went home, heated up some dinner, waited for my sister to get home from class, talked to her for a bit, call my boyfriend and talked to him a bit, and was in bed lights off by 7:50. I slept for 10 1/2 hours last night and woke up feeling worse! REALLY?!?!?! If it wasn't for this meeting this morning that I really can not miss I would not be at work. Thankfully this medicine is finally working a little bit, but I feel like crap again. I guess it will be smile on and try to push through. BLAH! I did get on the scale this morning and lost 0.2lbs. YAY! I know it's not much but I celebrate even the tiniest victories now!!! :) I just wish I was feeling better so I can work out more. Last week my "get back on the horse" attitude only made it through Monday. This week my sinuses are winning and I don't like that. Hopefully tomorrow will be better sick wise, even though I am dreading that day the most out of this week!!!

Hope your day is better than mine is shaping up to be!

Focus on the good NOT bad

Well it's another week and another Monday. Last week was a rough one and unfortunately I am not sure how much better this one is going to get. The ray of light was my weekend, being in Charlotte with my boyfriend and getting to see my favorite band in concert on Friday night. I get to see them again on Thursday this week which I am VERY much looking forward to.

Last week I logged in MFP and recorded food and exercise on Monday ONLY! That is so not like me and looking back kinda throws me for a loop. It's amazing how things that really upset us, changes in our lives, and even good things can completely change our routines. Unfortunately last week I had to deal with something that has been upsettings me for quite some time now. I was hoping for it to be mostly over with and unfortunately, due to nothing in my control it is not and going to be worse on Wednesday I fear. It definitely puts me in a funk and one that I need to get out of. I am trying to surround myself with other things like I typically do to help. Today I am going to go swim after work (I think), go home unpack from the weekend and get laundry going and then make some dinner with my sister. Tomorrow I am meeting one of my good friends for dinner and drinks to catch up as we haven't seen much of each other lately and she even got married! I missed it as I needed to be in Charlotte that weekend she tied the knot. Wednesday, well we'll see how that goes and Thursday is the Incubus concert with Friday ending out the week with my first Kickball game. Oh ya I joined an Adult Kickball team/league with some friends and very excited about it!!!

Wow I guess I didn't realize how many things I have going on this week which is actually exciting. It's funny how one thing that isn't as much fun can really bring your attitude down. I need to focus on the good things right now and let that just happen as it is going to happen. Hopefully here is to a good Monday and week!!!

Journeys should NEVER be done alone

Today is FRIDAY!!! YIPPIE! I have been waiting for this day for an entire week. Now noon just needs to come fast so I can start burning some rubber north to Charlotte. The icing on the cake is seeing my favorite band tonight, Incubus, live in concert but really I am excited to see my boyfriend.

This week has been a nightmare for me. I haven't been this stressed out in over a year and the worst part is it is going to get worse. this personal issue I am dealing with I was hoping would be mostly over after last night, but I was incorrect and unfortunately it was due to something that was out of my control. Now it has to continue to Wednesday next week and I am sure it won't be over then either. Oh well life can be a bitch that is for sure.

This week I have barely worked out. Monday was the only successful day. I feel bad for my September Challenge team because I am being the weak leg that's for sure. What can you do right? I have been trying to watch and count my calories but I didn't get onto MFP for 3 days straight and yesterday I got on for a second but didn't log anything. Life definitely gets in the way sometimes and the past couple for me have been a bit upside down. I am ready for some normalcy but I don't see that happening in the near future unfortunately.

The key to all of this for me is not letting myself get overwhelmed. I can get stressed out easily and that leads to me getting overwhelmed and then I get more stressed out which in turn makes me more overwhelmed, basically its a terrible snowball effect going on. Focusing on good things going on in my life right now like getting tot see my AMAZING boyfriend this weekend, feeling good about myself for the first time in a really long time and knowing for the first time in my life that I truly have my "shit together" and don't feel like things are falling down around me keeps a smile on my face. That is what I am focusing on lately, not this terrible situation that has come back from my past and creating drama, stress, and frustration. I also have amazing friends and family that help me stay solid through everything - each and every one of you (you know who you are) I love you soo much and Thank You! Journeys should NEVER be done alone and mine has been full of wonderful people and I couldn't be happier right now!!! :)

Have a FABULOUS weekend everyone I know I will!!!

GRRR!

It's funny how whenever you have something big coming up, something you are really excited about everything just piles up! This whole week has been nuts! I am leaving Friday at noon to go out of town to go see my boyfriend and it just seems like everything possible that could get in the way of me going there and relaxing and enjoying my times with him is happening.

Work is piling up with budgets being due soon. there was A LOT more work than I anticipated as the person before me left out quite a few tradeshows and numbers for whatever reason so I am having to add those in and fix the ones that are in there. Plus we have added a lot more too. I didn't think it would be as time consuming as it is but I guess that is how things go. On top of that it seems like there is always something new each day I have to get done for my bosses. It's always something small for them, but it is time consuming. I got to work today at 7am to try to knock out as much as possible. Headphones are going on today, adhd meds taken (yes I am adhd and do need them) and I'm going to have the "leave me the F-alone" look on my face. I DO NOT want to take work with me to Charlotte and refuse!

I have a lot going on in my personal life too. It has taken time away from me in all aspects of my life and so other things are piling up and getting pushed aside. I know yesterday I was excited because I was determined to swim after work today, well I don't think that is going to happen now. I have to run over to the beaches to drop somethings off and pick some things up for my boyfriend at his parent's house before going out of town tomorrow. We'll see how things go but I have to just figure out what's right for me and not worry about anything else. If that means I can't swim because I will jsut stress myself out trying to fit it in, then that kinda defeats the purpose you know?! I made myself some homemade jambalaya with turkey sausage because I was craving spicy food. I was proud of myself for making it at home and not buying it out. NSV for me yay! I did have 2 beers last night and no part of me nursed them like I normally do and I enjoyed it. I just relaxed last night and tried to take my mind off of everything. I did a little bit of work but I knew I had to just relax or it would be another night of tossing and turning and I wasn't going to let that happen.

Today will be a long day but I am going to make the right decisions for me. That’s all I can do for me and knowing that helps! I decided that last night and I know it definitely helped with the stress because I got back on the scale this morning and I'm back under 170 - 169.2 lbs! yay! Gotta love stress let me tell you - it's worse than a damn cheeseburger! hahaha!


Enjoy your Thursdays, I promise I will do everything to enjoy mine :)

Stressed OUT

Well if I thought last weekend was emotional and a roller coaster, the past 2 days for me have been worse. Unfortunately I can't really talk about it as it is a personal matter with someone else so I can't share details so you can understand what I am dealing with. I am okay so please don't worry but it has definitely been something that has taken my time, emotions, worries, and my normal routine.

Past mistakes, past situations, and just the past in general are coming back into my life like a freight train . Yesterday my plans were to finish work, go swim and then go play trivia. I thought I would need Wednesday after work to discuss things and since that was going to be my day to run errands I needed to do before leaving town this weekend I did them instead after work yesterday before trivia. I also was trying to prepare some things that HAD to get done for this whole situation so I wasn't able to work out during my lunch hour yesterday. There are just some things that are more important than working out you know?! Then today I was suppose to go to an event with an organization I am part after work of but wasn't able to make it because I knew I would have to finish things up and it would keep me late. I was right. I wanted to go swim after work but my mind is just consumed and completely put me off it. I wasn't able to work out during the day either because I was at a Workshop during the morning and had entirely too much to do instead.

The discussion is now Thursday after work. I did though tell the other person involved that I HAD to work out/ swim after work so I wasn't able to talk until after 7pm EST. I was proud of myself for that. This has altered my plans all week and I wasn't going to let it alter another one!!! This has definitely been a stressful couple of days but I am proud of myself even though work outs have suffered a little bit. I haven't eaten my worries away at all! For me that is a HUGE NSV! Tomorrow I hope to get in small work out during lunch and then swim after work. I'll keep you updated. Oh I gained a tad bit of weight and clocked in at 170.2 this morning. Stress typically makes you hold water, weight, etc so I am not worried.

Right now I am trying to focus on this weekend when I get to see my amazing boyfriend and see my favorite band Incubus in concert this weekend!!!! I can't flipin wait!!! :)

Enjoy!

Well yesterday I got back on the horse and it felt surprisingly good. I went and worked out during my lunch break - 2 miles on the elliptical and then 50 Toe Touches, 50 Abs, 50 Windshield Wipers, 50 Globe Jumps, 50 Squat Kicks, and 50 lunges. All in all a 37 minute work out that kicked my butt, literally! Today I can definitely feel the burn, but it's a good burn and a feeling I am getting use to again and liking. I felt soo much better the 2nd half of the day at work. I always do it seems like. I have more energy, which is a tad funny because I just kicked my own ass, but the endorphins just pick me up like no cup of coffee could ever do. I love that feeling now! :)

After work I went straight to the YMCA and got into the pool. I got to wear my new suit so that was a bit exciting. haha! I had planed on a 2,350 yard practice but added in an extra 150 to make it 2,50 yards. I felt a lot better than I expected to considering it had been 2-2.5 weeks since I was in the water last. I thought for sure I would have no feel for the water but it wasn't too bad. By the end of the practice I had it back. I did however feel a bit like a barge verse a speed boat (channeling a bit of swim lessons verbiage there - haha) but I was a fast barge. I mentioned before I am part of a swimming challenge on MFP, which I needed to give a shout out to my good friend (quickly became again after soo many years and blessed to have her back in my life!) who is heading it up and doing a splendid job at it! Anyway, there are 3 challenges this week and I fit 2 into my practice yesterday. One of which was the 4x100s free again holding a fast pace and going fast. I did this right after my warm-up and didn't think I would be able to go to fast. I did them last time on 1:30 and held 1:16s. I thought well maybe this time on 1:25 or 1:22. I did the first one and went 1:12 so I decided to go on 1:20 but thought I would just die by #3 - to my surprise here was my times: 1:12, 1:12, 1:11, 1:13! OMG WHAT?! I did them on 1:20 and couldn't believe it! That's the fastest I have held and been and I was out for 2-2.5 weeks. Whatever I will take it! I finished up the practice and felt good. I might have been able to go a bit further but I decided to stop and just enjoy that it was a good practice and call it a day. Next time I will increase. :)

I got home and had dinner with my sister. I love when we have family dinners and sit down at the table and just talk. It's definitely one of the perks of living with your siblings, it's like recreating what we had when we were little, but in our own style now that we are older and it's our house. I love it! It's moments like that that really make you thankful for the ones you love and make your life a happy one. I know I have been a tad sad lately, but it is definitely moments like this that completely make my day, oh and awesome cards you get in the mail from your best friends that make you laugh out loud in your car as you are reading it - we bitches will live forever! hahahahahahahaha! Love you!

I hope your Tuesday is a good one - I know mine will be. Oh update, I have a meeting at 3pm-5 today so workout will be at lunch instead of 4pm today. A tad bummed but I still get it in so we are all good. :) Oh I found this picture yesterday and just have to share it! Enjoy!

It's Monday!

The beginning of each week you either feel energized to get things going, you know what has to be done for the week and you are on a mission or you are dragging ass and not looking forward to that long list for the week. You know it's true, it's either one or the other. Today I am definitely ready to go looking forward to this week going by quickly! I have a lot to do but that is a good thing, as it will mean that I won't get bored and the week will just scoot along and before I know it, it will be noon on Friday and I will be burning rubber to Charlotte! :)

This week I really want to turn things around. I made it through the weekend (I posted about it yesterday so make sure you check it out - Missing You!) and not only made it I came out finally meeting a goal - I'm under 170lbs - 168.4 lbs to be exact on Sunday morning! YAY ME! I don't know how the hell that happened since I have been stressed out, emotional, not really working out like I should (in fact non-existent over the weekend except for playing outside with some kids for 2 hours) and definitely not following the calorie count like I should. Whatever I will take it!!! haha! This week I want to get back onto the horse. I am going to go swimming today and probably Thursday. I have to run errands after work tomorrow and then playing trivia with a friend at our typical place lately, Wednesday I have an event with a group I am part of but I could go swim after that too now that I think about it, and Thursday I need to run down to the beach to my boyfriend's parent's house to drop something off and pick something up so swimming after that for sure. I also plan on working out Monday-Thursday this week at work. I can't on Friday because I am taking a 1/2 day and heading to Charlotte at noon because I am going to an Incubus concert that night, my favorite band!!!

I know if I don't climb back on that horse now and get going again I will definitely struggle to do it. It's so easy to slip off and so much harder to get back on, especially the longer you let yourself slip off. This weekend I probably won't get too much done, but that's okay, I'm going to kill it this week and make up for it! Here's to a good week, a week that will fly by, and getting back on the horse today! :)

Happy Monday Ya'll!

Missing You!

Well the past 3-4 days have been a whirlwind of emotions that's for sure! I have written this blog a few times, as I don't know how to share my weekend. I have narrated but found it too long, and then just briefly said what happened but that doesn't help understand the roller coaster I have been on. So I am hoping that the 3rd time is the charm. Thursday evening after work until my boyfriend left around 2:30pm on Friday we were together the whole time. We had a great evening at his favorite bar watching his favorite team, the Packers and had a great talk later about what was to come in the next year reassuring me of us - I thank him for that! Friday was hard helping him pack up his car. Cleaning out his room of all his possessions that he wanted to take. I wanted to just take stuff out of his car as he put them in so it took him longer to leave. haha! I didn't want him to leave! It was soo hard when I was standing there in the driveway hugging him good bye that I finally couldn't hold back the tears any longer and they came out. That was the first time he had ever seen me cry and following him out in my car, the moment he pulled out of sight as I was turning and he was going straight the tears just flowed down my face. I mean I will see him next weekend, but it's just that he no longer lives in the same place I do, he was moving away and we had to visit each other from that point forward for the next year that made me cry.

That night there was a bunch of my friends going downtown for this big Jaguar block party and I could have gone but I just wanted to stay home and just be sad. Sometimes that is just healthy and trying to pretend that your aren't just just pushing through makes things worse because you don't confront the sadness. I made dinner with my sister, did laundry and waited for his call that he made it okay. I just wanted to talk to him and make sure everything went okay getting there. Saturday I went and played with some kids at Daniel's Kids Foundation, spent some time with a friend afterwards and then watched a movie and grilled myself a nice steak. Sunday I went and got a great lunch and a pedicure with my boyfriend's mom. She had never gotten a pedicure before so we had been trying to get together so I could take her. It was a great afternoon!

The emotional rollarcoaster is when I am by myself. You see I live with my sister but she was pulling a double as a CNA and worked from 7am to 11pm both Saturday and Sunday which means I am basically home along all weekend long. When I was out and doing things my mind was off of my boyfriend and was having a good time. When I am at home I have been struggling a little bit. It's not like I am "struggling" but I am sad as typically I would have been with him as the weekends we were always together basically the whole time. I spent the weekend thinking about the past good times we have had, our future plans, and wishful future plans. haha!

I basically didn't really care about my diet this weekend. I didn't do anything crazy, in fact no sweets were eaten, I did drink but nothing crazy, and just ate leftovers and grilled. I did eat more snacks than normal but whatever. I actually got on the scale this morning and was the smallest I have been in a year and half - 168.4lbs! I have been trying soooo hard to reach 160 something and it's funny to me it came on this weekend and even this week when I have been soo stressed, emotions pulled in so many ways, and eating habits obviously not normal. I had a cheese burger Friday for dinner! haha! :) (that damn cheeseburger! haha - The cheeseburger always looks better!) I do however have a small worry that in the weeks to come when I have a vulnerable and weak moment that I will revert to old habits. Hopefully what I have been through these past couple of months, my friends on MFP, and the ones I love will all pop into my head and I will make good choices. Here's to hoping right because that's all you can do!

For now though please make this week fly by so it can be Friday and I can see my boyfriend and go to my favorite band's concert, Incubus! Needless to say I am definitely looking forward to this coming weekend! Missing you already babe!




Later Addition:
I MUST put a little something about today as well - I will NEVER forget 9/11/01! Today is a day to remember, be proud to be and American and continue to live and embrace the freedoms we charish in our country!

Change can be difficult

I DON'T WANT TO BE AT WORK TODAY! Today is my boyfriend's last full day here in town before he leaves tomorrow for his new home in Charlotte. Talk about no motivation to be here because all I can think about is getting out of here and going to be with him. Tomorrow I am definitely NOT coming in. He most likely isn't leaving until after lunch sometime so I want to spend the morning/early afternoon with him before he leaves and there will definitely be NO part of me that will want to go back into work afterwards. I am sure I will be a "hot-mess" (haha) tomorrow afternoon/evening!

This has definitely been a reason I have been in a BLAH mood this week, especially yesterday. I mean I have been soo happy lately and he is definitely been a huge reason for that. I know it is going to be a big adjustment once he leaves and I can't see him during the week and whenever I want to. It's going to be hard at first and I am sure I will struggle here and there, but with time I know it will get easier. He will be a huge help though because he is all ready and tells me that there is nothing to worry about we will be fine and he loves me. I get to see him next weekend, as my favorite band Incubus is going to be in Charlotte and we have tickets! :) I am just going to have to look forward to the next time we get to be together and not look at the overall picture to keep me going and be okay.

What I am worried about is slipping and letting myself fall in the weak moments I know I am going to have. I already did it yesterday with the Chick-fil-a chicken biscuit I had for breakfast. I have been working soo hard and I hate to take steps backwards. The thing I have to come to terms with is that life will always have forward and backwards steps; the key is when backward steps do occur how to you recognize it and only take allow yourself to take one or a couple and not make it a ton of steps backwards? That is what I am going to have to work on. I know that I will definitely be working out more since I will have the time. I want to get into swimming more, make sure I am swimming 3 times a week. I actually got my new suit in the mail yesterday so I am looking forward to using it for the first time.

This is just another piece to my journey. I knew it would never be easy and if I did I was definitely just kidding myself. Life sure does throw you curve balls and you just have to learn how to knock them out of the park - yes I just made a corny baseball reference! :) haha! I'm sure I will keep you updated on how things are going but the next month or 2 is definitely going to be difficult for me. I just will have to keep reminding myself it's not forever and that I can do this. Yesterday was hard but I kept making the right choices and by the end of the day I was in a good mood - granted I watched Friends for a while and just laughed all the time so that definitely helped! :) haha!

PS - Definitely won't have a post up tomorrow morning but maybe the end of the day. if not I will definitely post this weekend at least once. Keep checking back! :)

BLAH!

Today is going to be a struggle I know it! I am tired and my stomach has been killing me since last night and still doesn't feel well. It is definitely making me feel blah and putting me in a funky/bad mood.

Yesterday was a difficult day - work was really busy and I just wasn't in the mood for that. Then 4pm came around and it was time to work out. I really didn't want to work out but I dragged my butt downstairs and hopped on the treadmill. I did a 5K which is what I set out to do and I was proud of myself because it was a mental struggle the entire way! I really really didn't want to finish it but somehow I found the strength to do so. Afterwards I had a circuit to do: 5 times through - 1 min bearwalk, 10 toe touches, 10 abs, 20 jumping jacks, 10 burpees, 5 window wipers, and 10 split squats. I made it through 3 rounds and I just quit! I couldn't find the strength inside to keep going which was strange. I really struggled yesterday and all the way to my boyfriend's I kinda beat myself up for that because that isn't like me - I don't quit! It wasn't that I didn't do the exercises but that I quit that really was getting to me. I actually got to his place and decided that I would do one more set through and ended up doing both to finish out my work out. Mentally it was something that I needed to do for myself, to find the strength to finish, but even though I did finish later, quiting earlier just put me in a blah mood!

I got cleaned up and we headed to our favorite bar for trivia and a fun night. It was my boyfriend's last time to play trivia at the bar since he is leaving this week. We know the host and so I let him know and he kept giving him shit all night long which was funny and made me smile. I typically eat dinner there since it's delicious there and tried something new. I had been craving chili so we split the 2 chili brats (I ate one) and also had a salad. It was yummy and the chili is homemade too which is awesome. I think though that is the culprit to my stomach issues, however, my boyfriend's stomach is okay and he has a sensitive stomach so who knows what it was. All I know is that it doesn't like me and hasn't since late last night!!!

Anyway the night just ended up just being an interesting night and I am still in a funk this morning. It's Wednesday so work out is at lunch time and it will take every ounce in my body to get me to go work out. I know I need to and I am somewhat hoping that it will bring me out of this funk so it's worth a try I guess. Hopefully the day will get better. On a good note I'm almost until 170 - weighed myself and I'm 170.3 lbs! Hopefully next week if I am good :)


PS - I gave in and had a chicken biscuit from chick-fil-a this morning for breakfast! I just didn't want cottage cheese and an english muffin with fruit. BLAH! It was delicious 420 calories and I just don't care this morning even though I should.... BLAH!







After posting this I just saw this on a friend's status on facebook - "Never doubt the impact your life has on others! Sometimes just the fact your alive and breathing changes someone else's life with a ripple effect..... Live today, smile today, and know you can change someone's world!"

I really liked it and it put a smile on my face so I thought I would share :)

Happy Labor Day - a day late!

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day yesterday! I am sorry I wasn't able to post anything yesterday, I was basically on the road traveling back home all day. I spent the weekend in Charlotte helping my boyfriend move into his new place and shop for everything to fill it. When I say everything I really mean everything! The only thing we came down with was 2 TVs, some other electronics, a vacuum cleaner, golf clubs, his guitar and amp, lots of dvds and cds, and some clothes. Everything else we had to buy!

I didn't get in any "exercise" this past weekend but I definitely had a work out all weekend long helping him move! I am soo sore it's not even funny. He lives on the 3rd floor in an apartment and so we had to carry everything up 3 flights of stairs over and over and over! Saturday morning we went and emptied the truck out to start the day. It was a ton of stuff but it was something like 5 trips for each person and boy was it humid and muggy too so we worked up a good sweat. Then ALL day we went furniture shopping! I must have walked like 5 miles between all the stores we went to. One of which was a Rooms To Go Outlet where we bought a dinning room table and chairs. It came in a box and we had to hull it up to his apartment. WOW I am not a strong as I use to be. Plus the box was just soo large it was awkward. I felt bad because I was not as big of a help as I thought I would be and we had to keep stopping. I got it up though and my biceps can tell you that too now! Ouchy soreness! haha! However the day was a success, all furniture was bought and it was all stuff we really liked and what we wanted! YAY!

Day #2 was shopping for all the "stuff" you have to have, pots/pans, plates, shower curtains, bath towels, etc. Macy's, IKEA, TJMaxx, and Walmart were our destinations. Talk about A LOT of little stuff so we must have made a million trips up and down those flights of steps to get everything we bought up there. Not to mention the work of putting it all away, cleaning of the apartment and unloadig everything. Plus have you ever been to an IKEA before?! OMG it's a never ending walking trip! There is definitely nothing quick about IKEA, but we actually enjoyed the experience. If you have never been and live near one I suggest going, however don't go on a holiday weekend! I have never seen soo many people shopping for housing goods at one time in one place! People were there with UHauls loading them up to the brim I kid you not! By the end I couldn't take it, all the people! I had to get out of there and quickly. It was definitely a success because we got a lot of great things and it made the time spent a positive one. I just know I probably walked a 5K for sure through there! Like I honestly wish I had a pedometer to see how many steps I took. haha!

By the end of each day we were dead! Physically, emotionally, mentally we were drained each day. We never stopped basically for 2 days straight and the day before we started shopping was non-stop packing up the truck, trying to get things ready and then driving the 5.5 hours. Yesterday we just slept in because we had to we were soo tired and woke up around 11:30am, took showers and then headed back to Florida. Of course it was rainy and lots of traffic which didn't make it easy so it was another long hard day. Needless to say I lost weight this past weekend! Not much, down to 170.2 lbs but I will take it. I really didn't watch too much one what I ate as I knew I was burning like crazy and just needed to feed myself. I did little things here and there, but ultimately it was about getting through the weekend.

It's amazing how depending on how you look at things can determine the "outcome" and the way you ultimately feel about something. I could easily say this weekend was a bad weekend and I never got anything in and didn't eat well or I can look at it as I exercised in a new different way, I listened to my body and fed it because it needed it because I was burning calories like crazy. For me it was a positive experience for sure! I didn't stop for 3 days straight basically and it wasn't as hard as I thought because I have been working out! Those stairs going up to the 3rd floor a couple of months would have been the death of me, however, I conquered them and that made me happy! I never complained and just kept going! Yes I could have made better choices eating out, but ultimately my body needed food and I wanted the bacon cheeseburger. I only ate half because that's all I could eat, but hell it was delicious and I enjoyed it. It wasn't like I didn't do anything all day, I worked my ass off and rewarded myself. That's life, enjoying it and I definitely enjoyed myself this weekend, the pain and all!!!

No Complaints from Me!

Okay so September Challenge started yesterday and I didn't do anything! I kinda feel bad but I really just needed a day yesterday. I was exhausted, needed to just not eat lunch at my desk, and really didn't care about what I ate. I know not the best attitude, but I look at it this way, not everyday of your life do you need to be good! I enjoyed a pesto pizza last night with artichokes, olives, tomatoes, basil, and bacon and was the happiest person. I didn't have a beer but instead soda water with lemon. I did however split a chocolate milkshake with my boyfriend and it was the best thing ever! I just needed some comfort food and damn it I had it! :) This morning I hopped on the scale and was only 171.4 lbs so there are no complaints from me today. I am a happy girl.:)


Today I am going to try and and get something small in and do the daily exercises from yesterday as well. There are 2 levels of exercises this month, beginners and advance. I don't have time for the advance this week/weekend, but if I can get the beginners in along with all the up and down stairs, shopping, and carrying I should be just fine. I really am not worried as this journey is been a positive one and if I don't take the downs with the ups, then there is no reason to be on it period!

Small NSV today - There was this amazing looking chocolate giant pastry thing in the breakroom for breakfast this morning. I didn't even take a crumb and instead had my hard boiled eggs, cottage cheese, and fruit. YAY Me!!!

Well yesterday I messed up and forgot the picture, but the alarm on my phone worked like a charm and I remembered and have a month comparison. Here you go - 1st two are Aug 1, 2nd two are Sept 1:

Not an enormous difference but definitely a difference and that makes me happy! :)

Have a great weekend everyone!!!

Alterations

HAPPY SEPTEMBER!!! Can you believe the summer is on it's way out? The good news about fall on it's way is that running outside again becomes an option. I am very excited about that because I am beginning to hate the indoor machines. I want to be able to run somewhere and not stay in place. I stare out a window while doing it and wish I was running outside every time. The cooler weather is going to be nice and allow me to run outside. You see I don't sweat like a normal person, so I have a heard time cooling myself off. Instead I just over heat and am miserable. Basically running outside once gets hot is next to impossible for me. Anyway, the fall will give me more options to work out and I am looking forward to the many options available, like biking too. 

This week I haven't done too much on the working out side. I get something in on Monday and Tuesday, however, yesterday I had a salon appointment during lunch so I wasn't able to work out. Granted I NEEDED a hair cut badly so I was more than happy to make the trade. After work I again am opting to hang out with my boyfriend instead since I won't be able to do that soon.

I did however have a quick errand after work that made me feel great about myself. My bridesmaid dress for one of my best friend's wedding in November came in at David's Bridal. I needed to go pick it up but I also knew it would need to be taken in. You see I bought it at the beginning of June right when I started this journey. In fact I wrote about going there to get fitted for it back on June 16th - "Yes I am 2 Sizes - Thank You!". I just re-read it and it made me laugh because I laughed at the lady when she brought out an 8 saying I hoped a 12 would fit me. In fact I was a 10 at my hips and 14 up top. I ordered the 14 because I was afraid at the time since losing weight had not happened very well prior to this journey and wasn't sure if my frame would shrink enough to get the 12. Well yesterday I could slip the dress on and off with it zipped up. It made me soo happy! My frame shrunk! The alteration lady looked at me and said "WOW you have lost a lot of weight haven't you?" I thought that was funny because she said it as a question when the dress obviously didn't fit me. She said it would take approximately 2.5-3 weeks max to take in so I should wait a bit longer to have it done if I plan on losing more. I told her YES I did plan on losing more so I took the dress home and it's hanging in my closet just waiting to be altered to my new body in a couple of weeks. :)

Here's the fitting pictures and the new one all lined up! :)

 

Okay I dropped the ball - I forgot to take the picture I promised to take; the one where I am in the same clothes as the first day of August. I set an alarm already on my phone to take it tonight. I will post it tomorrow, plus that might be a fun Friday post! :)

BTW Tomorrow is College Colors Day - I know I will be sporting my Aggie Maroon tomorrow at work!