Say YES to the Dress!

Sorry I didn't write yesterday, especially since last weekend was dress shopping weekend! Being off Friday you can imagine the emails I had to go through when I returned on Monday morning. It took me ALL morning! It probably doesn't help that I also manage a few other email addresses too (generic info emails for our company).


Okay well Friday went great, besides that I had the wrong start time and we got there at 7:15am for what I thought was a 8am start when it really started at 10am! OOPS! haha It all worked out because I Said YES to the Dress and all for an awesome cause!!!

Talk about an AMAZING experience! We get there and meet one of the volunteers who is a personal shopper. She helps you find what you are looking for - she was fabulous and I can't thank her enough! We go through the racks in what we think are my sizes - 10 & 12. NOPE all 3 that I brought back didn't fit at all. Oh well. We go back out and look at sizes 14 and up. We find 3 more and take them back. On the way back I spot a dress hanging on the "Not For Me Dress" rack. I look at and know it's the one. I try on 1 of the 3 I bring back. We like it but it's not the one. I then try on the last minute grab that some other girl ended up not liking. OMG it was amazing! My sister started crying and was taking pictures all along standing in front of the mirror and I couldn't even see what I looked like in the dress!!! lol!

I finally see it and love it! It had everything I wanted but wasn't what I expected I will be honest. It was the 5th dress I tried on and the 2nd that actually fit. I Said Yes to the Dress!

The best part was trying on the dresses. I was a little flustered at first when all 3 didn't fit. But I just told myself it wasn't a big deal and those dresses weren't meant to be. I got the 1st one on that fit and I felt beautiful! It wasn't my dress but it was a gorgeous dress. Once I got my dress on I couldn't stop smiling. I didn't cry but wow I was happy. The volunteers in the back dressing room area all kept coming up to me and telling me how beautiful I looked and that dress just looked amazing on me. They even said it was so me and they didn't even know me so that said something too.

I think the biggest factor of the day for me was seeing my mom's face when she saw me in the dress for the first time. She just had this big smile and proud look across her face. It made me feel special and even though I was a tad unsure as I am one of those people that needs to see everything before I decide on something, she gave me the comfort and strength to believe in what I originally had seen and knew - this was my dress and I looked beautiful in it! Thanks mom - I love you!

On Sunday I had it hanging on my bedroom door and just stared at it and smiled all day! I can picture myself marrying John in it and I couldn't be happier! I am though as my mom calls it, going to "Meghanize" the dress a bit and make it my own unique dress! You'll just have to wait till April 13th to see! :)

By the way - Happy Birthday to me!! :)

Week Flying By!

This week is FLYING by! OMG I can't believe it is already Thursday. I think,no I know it's because work this week has absolutely been nuts! Monday and Tuesday were so jammed packed with a development meeting ALL afternoon 12-5 on Monday, talk about making Tuesday busier than it already was trying to catch up from Monday. Then yesterday I went to Orlando with my boss to check out the second of 2 tradeshow companies we want to move towards. We left at 8:45 and got back into town at 5:15pm so that day was shot. Today is nuts already and I leave at 3pm for a doctor's appointment and then off on Friday for dress shopping (sooo excited) so I HAVE to get a lot done in the next 5 hours!

Tomorrow though is a big day! I really can't wait. I am trying to not think about it too much as I want to just take it all in tomorrow. Part of it also might be that I am still a bit critical of myself but I am working through it. If I just don't think about it too much I can't be too critical on myself and that helps a bunch. I know a bit silly but if it works it works right?! But honestly today is going to be difficult to try to get everything done because I am soo excited! :) Focus Meghan Focus!

By the way I made a decision today to hide my scale and just look at it for a while. I don't know what a while is exactly yet but I was thinking maybe till the end of August. I have to start packing soon so why not start with that piece in my room and pack it first. Then I move mid-August and it can be the last thing I unpack. We'll see how it goes. Also August I have decided is going to be my official get back on the horse month! Not sure yet how I am going to attack it and accomplish it but I'll put a plan together soon enough.

Well since I am off tomorrow and it's dress shopping day - Enjoy your weekend everyone!!! :)

One step closer!

Well we are 5 days out to a day I every girl dreams about - wedding dress shopping! I absolutely can not wait to put on these gorgeous dresses! It's the 1 time every girl gets to feel like a princess - whatever that picture she has in her head of what I princess should look like. I've been to many weddings and always said how I can't wait to look that pretty and feel that amazing while being with the person I love. That day to find that dress is 5 days away!!!!

Lately I have been struggling with the idea of how I will look in my dress. I am still bigger now than I want to be when I get married and I had been tossing the idea around of buying a smaller dress. However after some good friends and a blog post on MFP I have decided that that idea is not very smart. I can have that dress tailored in with a good seamstress.

My original thought that was driving this was: I want to be able to post the pictures from my wedding proudly and not be even the slightest bit  embarrassed about the way I look.

I thought about that long and hard this weekend and want to slap myself for that. I have been driving myself crazy about it and in return have just been stressing in which backfired because I shut down when that happens. It doesn't matter if I gain 100 pounds, stay where I am at or lose 10 pounds - I get to marry the most amazing man in the entire world and I know I will be glowing and will post that picture proudly from the mountain tops if I have to! That is THE most important thing about all of this! He is going to think I look beautiful and I know that day I will feel like a million bucks so what the hell am I worried about?!

That is what I am going to focus on from this point forward and enjoy Friday to the fullest! My mom is coming into town Wednesday evening to be here and share this experience with me and my sister. I can't wait to see her face and my sister's when we find that perfect dress for me.

Today is just one day closer to the day I say I do, and Friday is one step closer to getting everything done for that day. 271 days! :)

Slow Process

Yesterday was a crazy long day. I was in an all day meeting that I had been coordinating for 2 weeks. It went great but I didn't have any free time to write. Sorry! :)

I re-learned a lesson though - do not eat pizza for lunch and dinner that isn't homemade! It WILL tear you up Meghan! I ordered in pizza from Papa John's for the meeting and there was some leftovers so I took some home for me and my sister for dinner. My stomach was not happy about having it twice let me tell you. I thought about it afterwards and realized I had had this lesson before but apparently it didn't stick the first time. lol (Disgusted - January 5, 2012) Oh well it is what it is and I refuse to get upset about it right now.

I am have stressed out a lot lately and realizing things about myself that have been surprising me. The way I have been acting and letting things slide. I haven't really fixed anything yet but I am trying. What I am trying to focus on right now and change is how critical I have been on myself lately about my appearance. It's nothing something that I have ever done really (not to this extent) and it has happened probably over that last few months, getting much worse lately. I am going wedding dress shopping 1 week from today! (YAY!) I am trying to tell myself no matter that size I am I am going to look beautiful! I know that's the truth because everyone I have ever known has said that when they turn around and look in the mirror with a beautiful white wedding dress on they can't help but think they are gorgeous! I am looking forward to that moment!

I am also looking forward to this weekend and recharging. I am sleeping till the cows come home as my dad likes to say on Saturday and on Sunday I get to see my aunt and cousin so I am excited about that. I have a long list that I have identified and maybe I will start working on some of those things to make them better and change. There is no way I can do everything, that just gives me anxiety just thinking about it.  It will be a slow process but something I have to do to make me happy again.

Well here's to a fast Friday work day so the weekend can come and to a great relaxing but productive weekend! Enjoy yourselves! :)

Getting Through

It's hump day and the weekend is getting nearer. YAY! I know last week having Wednesday off screwed many people up including myself but right about now I will take that confusion. I liked sleeping in randomly in the middle of the week. Definitely a nice gift and I would like that gift again today! :) 

Well today I am doing a bit better. I think it's because I got a little bit of rest but I just still have lots of things on my mind. I mean you can't always be "up" all the time right? That's what a good friend said yesterday when I told her I was "down" right now. 

It's actually interesting because I know exactly when things started going a bit downhill for me - I just have to look at my blog. Even though I became engaged, which was one of the best days of my life, things started to slow in March and slowly dropped off afterwards. I didn't even write 1 single blog in the month of May this year! There is an easy explanation and that is because things started to bother me and this is my honest space so I didn't want to have to face them yet. 

I started to miss writing and decided to get back to it June 4th - Hello Again.  What I didn't realize that I am seeing now is that this would be a mirror, it would be the place that made me realize everything again. You see I am really good at hiding things and putting on a pretty face. If you know me well enough little signs will appear in different places, but to the masses I am doing okay. 

I do promise I am doing okay, I just need to work through some things and find myself again. I let myself slip a bit. We all do at certain points. Like my friend said, you can't be "up" all the time. There is a lot to be said about amazing friends which I am lucky to have. There is also something to say about having a wonderful man by your side. I have never had that before except for my dad and having that now makes the world of difference. I truly am a lucky girl! :)

Stressed

I have rewritten this blog about 5 times now this morning. You see I have been struggling a lot lately in all parts of my life. I am just stressed out and I don't know what to say today. I'm sorry but today I am just going to leave it at that. 

I love you guys and I need a big tall glass of wine and my mom's spaghetti - my comfort food. :) 

PS - I promise I am fine, just stressed right now. 

Trying

Okay after some wise words of wisdom from some good friends and also a blog post on MFP I have decided that buying the size I am now is the best! I will say this though. If I can get a dress to zip up/tie up and it's tight I am still buying that one. Like everyone said it can definitely be taken in and I know they can be taken a tiny bit out if needed and if it fit to be begin with then I am all good.

I just can't wait to go shopping and put on a beautiful white dress! Every little girl dreams of that day - looking like a princess and as pretty as she has ever been. My wedding day in 9 months I know I will look beautiful no matter what number I am, I just want to look at pictures and feel the same way. That is what I am worried about I guess. I have a friend that says she hates looking at her wedding pictures because she was so much heavier than she ever wanted to be and it was the happiest day of her life. She is a gorgeous person and has definitely been a motivator for me, always been there for me, and someone that is just an amazing person - no matter what she says I think she looks gorgeous in her pictures! 

I know it can be silly to worry about, but it's what is on my mind lately. I just can't shake it so instead I need to figure out how to use it to drive me, to motivate me and use it towards my advantage. I am still struggling with that right now, but I know it will come. A friend has agreed to help me from afar by giving me work out plans and such. As they said the body is an amazing machine but it gets lazy and use to certain things so it's time to change it up. I am hoping with her help that can happen. Hopefully this week we can work together to figure out what is best for me. I can not thank her enough. I need something to shake things up for me and get me back on the right path. I have been a little astray lately. Time to focus back on me and that is what I intend to do. :)

Here's to a good week!

By the way - this is suppose to be a place I am honest and last week I was embarrassed I shot up to 166.4lbs - I gained 4 pounds in 1 weeks! I am hoping it was just a fluke but I didn't record it. I have since fixed that and it is now on "The Scale" - both last Monday's 166.4lbs and today's 163.0lbs! Sorry for not being honest, really to myself. 

Motivation...

Yippie it's Friday! I don't know about you but this middle of the week day off was very nice but it screwed me up big time! I am definitely looking forward to 5pm today and my weekend. My fiance is coming down so it will be a great weekend for sure. Especially since Saturday is cake tastings! YUM!

I have had a rough week mentally and therefore on Monday I am starting over. I am washing the slate clean and keeping it in the past and moving forward. Sometimes you just need to do that. I don't think my goal is possible in 2 weeks, so I took my little sign on my desk down. I am going to work at it and whatever I am is what I am and so be it.

However even with that being said I have been thumbing around on a question for a bit. I have been 160ish pounds since October last year. I did bounced up a tad after the holidays and came back down but I haven't been under 160 since God knows when. It is a HUGE goal of mine and I would like to get down to 150lbs, maybe even under just a tad for my wedding in April, 9 months away. I am going dress shopping in 2 weeks from today at the Brides Against Breast Cancer show (that's the date they are here in my town) and I am nervous on what size to buy. I don't really want to buy a dress that fits me right now. I am thinking one size smaller should be a comfortable size to go with. I know they can take dresses in but I also heard they really only can take them in 2 sizes until the dress get compromised and starts to look like a different dress. They can also take it out only 1 size until they have to order more material. So... if I get it 1 size smaller that gives me room to still lose but also the wiggle room to let it out if for whatever reason my body decides this is it, this is as small as you are going to get (which I refuse to believe). Thoughts?

I know what I have to do to lose weight and that is exercise way more than I do now. It's simple really, I am just struggling to get it done. Hopefully I can get some help from different friends and my motivation levels can come up. I looked today and the Gate River Run is Saturday March 9th, definitely going to sign up for that. However I am also thinking about signing up for my first 1/2 marathon. There is a great marathon & 1/2 in February for Breast Cancer I think I will do. The cheapest price ended on June 30th. I have until Halloween to decide to do it before it goes up again. It's not cheap but the money goes towards finding a cure for Breast Cancer so I mean every penny is for a great cause. Basically I have a few months to convince myself I can do that, run 13.1 miles and train for it. I looked up a training program (the same guy I used for my first 15K) and its 12 weeks, so it would start the Monday after Thanksgiving. However, it starts with 3miles and quickly goes up, which means I need to be going before that, basically Halloween. Okay time to think and motivate myself - can I do this?

Fast Food

Yesterday marked 1 year since I have eaten a fast food hamburger! YAY! Last time I ate a Whopper from Burger King and it tore me apart! Then I also read a few days later about how they wash the meat with ammonia - read both blogs from last year here - "Monday?" and "Eat this, Not that!" After these 2 experiences that was it for me! I gave them up for good and I have stuck by that.

However, I do still eat at fast food places and it's actually picked up more lately and I really need to stop. Since those blogs above I have always said Chick-fil-a is it for me on fast food and today I am still good with that. NO ONE tell me anything about Chik-fil-a I will hurt you! It is delicious and I don't eat there that often so it's not the end of the world! haha! However, that hasn't stopped me from the chili at Wendy's which my fiance has brought up the point of, you won't eat the burgers but you will eat the chili? Good point babe - GONE! Then this past weekend actually I had 3 soft fresca tacos from Taco Bell (at least I chose the "healthier" option) and a philly cheese steak from Abry's. The problem is on Sunday on my drive home from Charlotte Chick-fil-a isn't open so I stopped by Arby's as the Curly fries were calling my name. I am not a huge fan of traditional sandwiches and I had seen those commercials about how it's good so I thought why not. It was okay and actually I didn't eat all of it because it was huge! The tacos I have no excuse except I was hungry earlier in the day when we left IKEA and I asked my fiance to get be tacos and that's what we got.

I know I know - I want to lose weight and I eat that crap. I refuse to give up Chick-fil-a, I just won't do it, but I will give up the others. From this point forward NO MORE fast food. Now a small salad from Wendy's sometimes with my own dressing has saved me for lunch a few times and I pick off the cheese and such so if it's an emergency than it's still good but ONLY salad NO Chili! I have 16 days till dress shopping - not sure if my goal is in reach any more - boo! I guess though there is only way to find out, go for it!

Asked for Help

Well today is almost like a "Friday" with tomorrow being July 4th and a holiday so we are off work! Definitely exciting because I am sleeping in and enjoying my day. I plan on sleeping in, cleaning up around the house and hopefully doing something physical and working out.

As for this week thus far - I am ashamed to say that nothing has happened and I was even at the YMCA yesterday! Well yesterday I ran to Atlantic Beach to view a possible house to rent. Unfortunately it accepted an application while I was heading out to see it so we lost it. It was a block from the back too - oh well not meant to be! However after work I ran by the YMCA because I wanted to cancel my membership after this month. Not because I don't want to go, but it's 5 minutes from my house now and I will be moving away from that area and besides coming to grab a bite or shop I won't have a reason to be in that area so I didn't want to pay for something I would struggle to use. (not that I am already not struggling right now to use it) Since I draft on the 15th, I will draft one more time and have it through August 14th and since I move the 19th that is perfect. Here is the bad thing - I walked right now after I signed the paperwork! I didn't even stay to work out and I had NO reason not too. I am ashamed! At least my dinner was a good choice - burrito bowl from Chipotle. :)

Today I am once again going to see a place at lunch. Hopefully this one will work out but I am not holding my breath with how this house hunting has been going. Anyway that means that during lunch work out isn't an option. After work I have to run and get gas and need to go by Publix so I am going to have to make myself go to the YMCA and work out after gas and before Publix. Here's to hoping I have the will power! lol

I did something this morning though - I reached out for help, I reached out to a friend that is a trainer who I am hoping will be able to either personally help me or steer me in the right direction. I need someone to help motivate me as well as put together a plan/ program that tells me what to do. I am struggling with nothing to train for and not knowing what to do. I do the same thing over and over basically and I get tired of that and get discouraged. I'll let you guys know more once I hear back from my friend. If not this person I am going to find help somewhere as they might be too busy right now in which I completely understand and no hard feelings.

Well happy July 4th Eve and yay for being off work tomorrow!!

Thumbs Up & Thumbs Down

Last weekend is over and in the books and it went down with thumbs up and thumbs down for many reason.   My "ME" day was turned on it's head and spun around to the point of nauseating. However I made the best of it so I guess I can't complain too much, however thumbs down. Then the weekend was spectacular - absolutely couldn't have asked for a better time so thumbs up. It did end though having to drive through a storm that was unbelievable in Columbia, SC that really put me back on my time. It was what it was but that gets a thumbs down too. Here's the story:

Friday I slept in till about 9:20 or so. Got up took my time getting ready and loading the car up and at about 10:50 I headed out the down to Charlotte. I had a playlist all set to sing and enjoy myself. I was looking forward to the drive which doesn't happen very often. haha I was also looking forward to getting to my fiance's house and turning on some more music, popping open a bottle of wine and cooking a great meal for the 2 of us. Everything sounds perfect and started perfect, I was all relaxed and rested. I made it up I-95 with no problems except traffic was heavy but I was singing along so it didn't phase me too much. I merged onto I-26 to head towards Columbia and my AC started to kinda go in and out on the coldness. I thought it might just be it needed to be charged and considering it was about 105 degrees outside it was having to work hard. Well about 20 miles outside Columbia before hitting I-77, my next interstate the AC completely stopped blowing any sort of cold air. I called my dad and asked what was it that I needed to buy to charge it. He said find a Walmart and he would walk me through it or a Auto store. I had planned on stopping at exit 12 off I-77 as they had $2.78/gallon gas - hello cheap! So I rolled the windows down and sweated my ass off for the next 30 miles. I saw a "Murphy USA" at exit 9 and knew that meant Walmart so I got off early (plus I couldn't handle the heat any longer) and headed towards Walmart. 

I saw an Advance Auto Store right next to Walmart and figured I could pull the "dumb girl" act and get help - which is just what happened. One of the employees came out and helped me. He said it wasn't filling right and the valve it goes into had gone bad and the pressure was all off. He told me to take it down the street to Tire Kingdom - they have a great AC guy. He called and they were able to squeeze me right in. I got there and one thing leads to another and I find out that my AC compressor has finally quit (I have 200,000 miles on my car they just go after a while) and all that needs replacing and the water pump that my dad just replaced 6 months ago died too, it was leaking like crazy. Long story short I get to spend a boat load of money and my car is sick and I can't drive it and my fiance now has to drive down and get me! Poor thing, but he was a good sport and came down. I just got to hang out in the lobby of the Tire Kingdom for a while and wait. NOT the way I planned on spending my "ME" day but I did enjoy the quiet time I got. We ate at a local place in town and then headed to Charlotte. Instead I made my meal for us and our 2 friends on Saturday with some help that was great. In fact we had a great night Saturday and all of it went away. 

The moral of the story is that I didn't let it bother me too much things got flipped upside down, but I also didn't eat the best because of it the whole weekend. Oh well - there are wins and losses because of it and I will take them all with stride and move forward. The good news and silver lining was that I decided to take the "ME" day and didn't drive up after work and all that happen in the evening when things were closed and I would have been stranded on the side of the road. Like I said, it wasn't what I planned but everything turned out for the best. I also now have AC in my car that is like the north pole! lol! 

Well enjoy your odd week - 2 days of work, day off, 2 days of work and then the weekend. Oh and my fiance is coming then too so definitely something to look forward too! :)