Changing Habits

I think I briefly mentioned on Tuesday that I gained a little bit of weight last week and jumped up 1.2lbs to 164.6lbs. Nothing huge but also just felt blah - yesterday I found out why, Hello mother nature! (sorry guys that are reading this - skip to the next paragraph if you want and I stop talking about it) Now it makes sense why I am bloated and gained a little bit and just have felt like blah this week. I originally didn't log it into MFP because I was a bit upset about it. Then today I realized that was stupid (a friend's voice popped into my head and told me I need to stop beating myself up over every little thing - thank you chica!) and logged in the weight and fixed the date to Monday. I also got on the scale again this morning and down a bit to 164.2. Hey I will take it. The only thing good out of all of this is that I sorta was surprised by it and had to go home early to get my clothes into the washing machine so they wouldn't get stained. Okay that isn't the good thing, in fact that was embarrassing! The good part was that I was home when my mom got into town! Granted I had to keep working a bit after she got there but I got to be there, help her unload, and greet her when she drove up! YAY!

Okay so I haven't really thought about this too much until lately when a friend brought it to my attention, I really do beat myself up a lot over a lot things I shouldn't. She always jokes about when I am craving say pizza or something she tells me, eat it but I better not hear about it in your blog the next day about how you are soo pissed you ate the piece of pizza! It didn't really click until about the 5th or 6th time she said it and then I realized she was right. I have been doing soo much better working out, my motivation level is a lot higher than it has been in a long time, but my eating habits could definitely use some work still. People at work have asked me what diet I am following and I tell them I am not following a diet. I use MyFitnessPal and track my calories instead. I try to make the healthier choice most of the time but if I want to have a slice of pizza or cheeseburger I am going to have it, just in moderation. The problem though is that I am not listening to myself at all! I am working really hard to change myself, not just on the scale, but my habits in life and I have been viewing that slice of pizza as a fail, as a set-back and then beat myself up for it. Okay yes eating 4 slices of pizza from papa johns, probably not the best idea and really why didn't I just stop after 2 or even 3 slices - did I really need that 4th slice? (direct reference to this day - Disgusted, check it out) Those days okay I can understand why I am not too happy with myself because not only did I do something a bit stupid, but I also felt like shit the next day because I am not use to putting that kind of food into my body anymore. However, if I want a slice of pizza I should have one, just stop at 2 pieces, add a small side salad and even have that low-calorie beer too! Just track it all and be happy that I have made changes, I am still enjoying the pizza, just in moderation! I have to start seeing the small victories in things and NOT look at the negative and beat myself up about it! I told myself in my New Year's Resolution blog that I was only going to worry about the things I could control and measure - okay measure the successes of how far you have come instead of the negatives! That is what I need to focus on and not beat myself up anymore. Thanks Chica!

PS - I am not beating myself up for beating myself up over little things I promise. This is me recognizing that I have been doing this, becoming aware of it, and wanting to change that habit. Just FYI :)