Make something scary Positive

Happy Halloween Everyone! can you believe there are only 2 months left in 2011 and then we are officially into 2012!! This year is flying by I really can't believe it. The ad part is that I have been slacking big time lately and there isn't much time to get back in gear for this year. I have a goal of 155 lbs by the end of the year. This morning I got on the scale and it said 162.8 lbs so that is 7.8 lbs to lose in 60 days. ECKKK! It is DEFINITELY doable, I just have to get going and get it done.

This past weekend I went to Charlotte again, but this time it was a surprise for my boyfriend! He had no idea that I was coming and I pulled it off - it was great! I have been wanting to post about going and such as I am always soo excited about going and seeing him, but I didn't want him to know. However, I did something stupid when coming home. You see I made this great healthy pita sandwich for on the way up with a whole wheat pita, olive humus, spinach, a piece of publix turkey and roast beef and chopped up mushrooms. It was delicious and I had enough for another one on the way back so I made it Sunday before I left, however, I saw a billboard for Zaxby's and decided the celebration box (chicken fingers, fries, zaxby's sauce and a drink) would be my dinner instead. The exit I stop at for gas had one and in the drive-thru line I found myself. As soon as I finished it I wish I hadn't eaten it as I felt all greasy and bloated. I should have eaten my delicious healthy sandwich instead! Oh well you live and you learn. I have the pita now for lunch today with a side salad though! :)

The next bad thing - today is our annual bake sale for charity! I made brownies for it and saved myself 1 as brownies are my FAVORITE baked goodie. I am only going to allow myself to buy 2 things MAX and will NOT eat it all today. That is my plan we'll see how well I stick to that.Oh ya did I mention that I forgot my workout bag too?! GRR! Maybe I will go for a nice walk with Wrigley after work to work off the sweets. I also decided NOT to give out candy this year for Halloween as I don't want the candy in my house to be tempted with at all. I live in an apartment complex anyway so I don't feel that bad.

Well here is to making a scary day a positive one. Happy Halloween!

It's Friday Friday Friday

Okay I HATE that stupid Friday song but somehow it always pops into my head on Friday when I get excited that it is Friday and the weekend is almost here! HAHA! I just had to share :)

So I got on the scale this morning and it said 163.8 lbs, that's 1 lb up from 2 weeks ago when I was under my goal of 163 lbs. I am actually okay with it because my body has been on a whirlwind since that 162.8 lbs. I'm still at the 163 which was my goal so YAY! I think it is all in perspective really. The next goal is 155 lbs by the end of the year - LET'S GO!!!!

 Enjoy your weekend and make it a blast! :)

PS - Some workout motivation: http://youtu.be/yEH4Yum4nN4 TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T GO TO TOWN IN ANY SPIN CLASS!!!!!!!

How do you treat your body?

The body is an amazing thing - I have bounced back pretty much all the way now after that terrible experience Sunday night/ Monday morning. I woke this morning and felt like me which was great so I got to thinking about all that my body has gone through in the last year that is MY fault! If you think about it, how well do you really treat your body? A friend of mine sent me this link about a week or 2 ago that I found to be really interesting and have been holding onto it until the right time to share it and I think this is the perfect time. Health Maintenance - Treat Your Body Like Your Favorite Car It's actually an interesting read because if you think about it, we take such good care of the things we own, worked hard for and bought, and are proud of. We want them to last and for people to notice them and how great they are, however, the 1 thing that should be the most important thing to us, our bodies we just let go sometimes. We put it second or third in line to everything else.

In the last year how many times have you gotten sick? How many times have you gone to the doctor? Taken vitamins, eaten food that you know you shouldn't be, drank yourself to being sick, taken yourself to get pampered, exercised? There are so many things/decisions we make each day that really effect our bodies and we don't even realize it.

I know I didn't purposely give myself food poisoning, hell I would be a sadist if i did! haha! Basically my point is I know I didn't inflict that much damage and stress on my body on purpose but it did go through that mess. How many times have I put myself through even a fraction on that on purpose? What about the time at 4th of July that I ate a Whopper from Burger King after I haven't eaten fast food in a while and it tore my stomach to pieces (Monday?)? That definitely wasn't the best idea for sure and that was a decision I made! I knew I shouldn't eat that burger but I tried to "sneak" it when no one saw and that decision came back to bitte me in the ass. Or that I haven't felt quite as good as I have been lately because I haven't been working out like I was. When I work out I feel great, I am not as tired, my body feels alive, and I feel healthy, but when I don't work out I feel a bit sluggish and dumpy. I never really noticed this until I started doing my blog because I always worked out all the time my whole life, then never worked out so I didn't really see he difference, and now when it's been going back and forth I see it, I see how much I am, my body is reacting to when I don't work out. It's a motivator but apparently lately I am slacking on it.

So how do you treat your body? Would you be proud to show it off like your most prized possession? Just an interesting thought!

Happy 100!

Today is my 100th BLOG! I thought about holding off on my duo pictures from yesterday until today but I was just so excited to share them I couldn't wait another day. :)  I actually don't have anything too exciting to share today as right now I am nursing myself back to normal after a hellish digestive experience Sunday night/Monday morning with food poisoning. I did well yesterday making myself a simple soup for lunch with no salt chicken broth, mushrooms, green onions, baby spinach, white rice, and some plain chicken. Pretty bland but it was good and definitely filled me up. I had 2 cups of broth, lots of veggies, a cup of rice and 1 chicken breast and couldn't eat but half of it so I saved it and finished it for dinner with a little humus and pita along side. Everything stayed down just fine all day as I knew it would since it had been a long while since I last threw up, it was the quality of food that I ate that I was concerned with. Everything I read about feeding yourself again after food poisoning says to keep it as healthy as possible, no dairy, keep it bland and lots and lots of fluids. So yesterday I did just that! I haven't recorded anything because I know I was way way under my count but that wasn't important yesterday, it was listening to my body and when it was full I stopped!

The thing that was a bit rough was when it hit 4pm I REALLY REALLY wanted to go downstairs and work out, even just walk on the treadmill for a bit, but I knew I couldn't. I didn't bring clothes to change into because I didn't want to be tempted. I also read that you shouldn't use any extra energy if all possible for at least 24 hours, but more like 48-72 hours after you "finish" your episode. Your body needs all the energy it can get to fight off the bad bacteria in your system and recover from the hell that it went through. I also read that you need to rest as much as possible, as that helps in the recovering process. It's funny because all this is common sense, but sometimes we just don't want to "listen" to our bodys! I want to make sure I get back to normal as soon as I can so I am doing just this! I really wanted to get back to working out this week and really ready for it, mentally and physically and just bummed I have to wait another week - oh well there are worse things in life right?!

Well here's to my 100th blog today and knowing that this blog has really been my lighted path helping me find my way again! I have found soo much more than just fitting into clothes I haven't fit into in a long time, I have found happiness in myself again and that is amazing! I know there is still work to be done and bumps and highs still be discovered but I am excited about it. I was scared when I started this 100 blogs ago, but today I am excited for really whatever comes next, good or bad!  I will leave you today with the Steve Jobs quote I posted not to long ago, but it really has become one of my favorites, in fact it has found home above my monitor at work so I never forget it!

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust something - your guy, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life"

The ugly and the pretty!

So you might have wondered where I was yesterday - well I got a terrible case of Food Poisoning Sunday night and basically have lived between my bathroom and bed since then. If you have had Food Poisoning then you know what I went through and it is hell. Those that have never had it, trust me if you are questioning any food whether it is at your house or at a restaurant, don't eat it! It's not worth it, that was by far the most horrible experience I have ever been through in my life. My body feels like it went through WW3 I swear. I lost 5 lbs because of it, I'm not kidding! I was 165.8 (I know I jumped back up a tad) on Sunday morning and this morning I was 160.8 lbs. I'm not going to mark that down on MFP because it's not a true weight. I am sure I will jump back up after today or the next day because there has been nothing in my system but liquids since Sunday night. I was able to keep a little bit of wonton soup down last night with spinach, mushrooms, water chestnuts, and 1 dumpling (didn't eat the meat). I definitely felt better this morning after getting down something other than water or gatorade. This morning I had a plain biscuit with no butter from Chick-fil-a and it was yummy. I am trying to get down a banana, but am only 2 bites into and not feeling it so I think I am done for breakfast for now. I'll tell you more tomorrow how the day went today.

I do have something fun to share though - this weekend I went to RAM (Riverside Arts Market) for Oktoberfest with a great friend of mine and had a blast. The fun part about this is that I took another picture of me siting on the wall with the water behind me. You might be scratching your head about what this means, but 1 year ago I took a picture wearing a blue shirt at RAM at Oktoberfest and it was the picture that made me realize how big I had become. It's the picture I shared in the blog - "Changing Looks". I have to report that I am proud of these pictures and WANT to share them!

1 YEAR AGO:                                          TODAY:

    

It's amazing what some hard work over a year can do! I tried WW but really it didn't work for me, my real success has been since June of this year when I didn't follow a "diet" but instead watched what I ate by counting my calories, and started to exercise more! These 2 pictures are my motivation to keep going! I have about another 20 lbs to go and I know it will be harder to get those off than the first 30 lbs or so but I am ready for it! Unfortunately I can't work out today or tomorrow as my body is still trying to recover from what it went through in the last 35 hours or so which I am bummed about because I had a plan and everything for this week which I layed out last week on Friday - "NOT Walking the Walk". Looks like life happened and I will have to revise - oh well there are worse things in life! :)

Enjoy your week everyone!!

NOT Walking the Walk

Okay I have been talking the talk but NOT walking the walk lately!!! Seriously it's kind of ridiculous and I need to snap out of it because I have got to get back to working out. Yesterday I forgot that we had our quarterly company townhall so I wasn't able to work out. Today we have our company BBQ during lunch so again I can't work out. I just feel bad taking another 1 off to work out during lunch since these functions are during our lunch hour you know. I could have worked out after work yesterday but I didn't and today I have my kickball game at 7:05pm, but let's face it, not many calories are burned there. In fact I think I drink them right back! haha!

This weekend I AM GOING TO WORK OUT AT LEAST ONCE!!! I decided caps were appropriate because I am yelling at myself to make sure I hear it! haha! Next week though it is back on like donkey kong! Here's the schedule:

Monday - work out during lunch and swim after work
Tuesday - work out at 4pm, possible swim afterwards
Wednesday - off I have a lunch function and something after work too, but I might be able to squeeze in walking my dog or something afterwards.
Thursday - work out during lunch, and a quick swim after work
Friday - possible work out during lunch and no kickball so definitely working out after work
Sat/Sun - Work out at least once

I figure if I write it down I have more accountability so there it is!!! I also found a website with 31 motivating things to get your ass off the couch! haha! "31 Ways to Motivate Yourself to Exercise" - Check it out, maybe a couple will work for you. I personally like 12, 13, 23 & 27! :)

Have a great weekend!

I need to make time regardless!

When you say "I just don't have time to work out" are you actually telling the truth? I can't tell you how many times I have said it or heard other people say it and I know it's a lie. You could get up earlier, not sit in front of the TV, rearrange your priorities, work out during your lunch hour, go in the evenings, take the dog for a jog, etc. I have seemed to have fallin back into this "I just don't have time" hole that I need to get out of and quickly! I haven't swam in probably 3 maybe 4 weeks now - yikes! I always seem to have a excuse to not work out lately and that is starting to bother me.

Yesterday I didn't work out at 4pm like I do on Tuesday but yesterday I actually had a legitimate reason with work and a deadline and I wasn't done until 4:45 and had to leave by 5 at the latest to make it to a vendor to drop of and pick up something and then get to a work function nearby at 6pm. It then went until 9pm and I had to get home and finish my Chili for the chili cookoff today at work. Yesterday I truly did have a good reason not to work out. Today we have the Chili Cook-Off during lunch that I am participating in and then I have an organization event from 5:30-8. My usual workout times are both taken. I need to buck-up and maybe afterwards go for a job with my dog or something. Thursday my plan is to work out during lunch like normal and then go swim afterwards. Friday is work out during lunch and then kickball afterwards. Finally this weekend I want to get into the water at least once, if not both days. I need to get back on the horse and not just slowly but hit it hard and just get myself back into it. When I was really working out a lot it just came naturally and I liked it, I need to get back there!

I have been better about tracking my food - not this week but I plan on going back and getting everything accounted for. Last weekend - well that maybe just get chalked up as not tracking but we will see. I may just wait for this weekend and catch up. Either way I HAVE to get back into the swing of it because November is going to be crazy with how much I am out of town and I need to be already wanting to work out so I will at the hotels. I NEED TO MAKE TIME REGARDLESS!

Anyone have any good ideas or motivation to help me?

I'm Back kinda...

I'm back - kinda. WOW am I still tired but it was a great weekend! It was great to see soo many great friends and be back in Aggieland. I really enjoyed showing my boyfriend around the city, campus, and explaining and showing him our traditions. It really meant a lot to be able to share a large part of me with him. I also got to spend a lot of time with 2 of my best friends which was amazing! It's interesting how we have all changed and grown up a lot, but the friendships remain the same and that is what I love.

We are at the age where people are getting engaged, married, pregnant, having babies, and buying houses so it was interesting to see where everyone was in their lives. It's exciting to see so many people doing so well and I am excited to see what the next couple of years has in store for our group.

Journey wise it was a decent weekend which I was happy about. I didn't go crazy on drinking, even though I definitely did drink and enjoyed it. I ate great food and food that I missed - Rudy's BBQ, Freebirds, La Bodega - YUMMO! I also walked a bunch more than I expected to so that was a nice surprise. Monday morning I got onto the scale and it said 165.2 lbs, however after running around in the morning and getting a little nap in (I took a 1/2 day) at 11am it said 163.6 lbs. so I gained anywhere from 0.8 lbs to 2.4 lbs over the weekend. The question now is which do I use? Overall I am calling it a successful weekend regardless of the gain because I had sooo much fun and I didn't let my diet get in the way of my weekend. I also didn't completely throw it out the window and I am proud of that.

I need to get back in the water speaking of a swimming alumni weekend. It's been too long and the longer I wait the harder it will be to get back into it. I typically like to go on Tuesday's after I work out, but I have a work function after work today until 8:30, so unfortunately I can't go today. Tomorrow I have a club function until 8pm, however, I might be able to leave early and go but I will have eaten at the event and I typically don't like to eat and then go swim so we will see. Looks like Thursday is the only day I have this week since Friday I have kickball! Maybe on the weekend I can go, get myself up and go swim. :)

Well here's to a good Tuesday - hopefully I don't fall asleep at my desk :)

Dumbbells

Last night I read through a lot of my blogs starting from the beginning and working towards the present. I was a tad shocked at just the tone of my blogs and how they changed throughout. There were some highs and lows and ones where I definitely just bitched and some that I bragged about myself, but what I realized is that I was being true to me and what I want to get out of this blog so that made me happy. I started re-reading them last night because this weekend is the weekend I have been looking forward to for MONTHS! I get to see soo many of my old friends from college and that's been my motivation, my drive for the past couple of months to look better so no one saw me the way I was 31 pounds ago! YAY!

I wanted to re-read them because I wanted to view my journey again and make sure I know why I chose to start, why I wanted the change and it's not about the highs really, it's about the lows honestly. It's how I worked through them, how I chose to overcome them, and what worked for me and didn't work for me these past few months. It's always great when there are highs and successes, but its the times when we fall down, when we are struggling, and when we are down on ourselves and let the old habits creep back in for a moment that we learn and grow. On Tuesday I was down in the workout room at work and I picked up a 30 lb dumbbell and I couldn't believe that I had all of that plus some on me a year ago! I then picked up a 55 lb weight as that is what I gained in total from the biggest # I know of (however I know I was bigger I just never weighted myself) I actually stood there, dumbbell in hands and I got a little bit emotional because I really couldn't believe I let myself go as much as I did. I know 55 lbs isn't an enormous amount of weight that someone can gain, but when you use to be someone that was always in great shape for the majority of their life, that was a lot heavier of a 55 lb weight then it really was. If you are someone that has recently or over a period of time gained weight, go pick up the dumbbell that you gained and you will be amazed! 55 lbs wasn't easy to pick up and I carried that around on me everyday?! No wonder I would be out of breath from just running a little bit or really anything that that evolved anything beyond the normal.

I finally picked up the 20 and 2.5 lb weights as I have 22 lbs left until I get to my goal and I just smiled! Yes it wasn't light, but it hasn't heavy either. I now had a tangible goal, something I could put my hands on and pick up to lose. I understood what I had left to do and it became real again. I smiled because I knew I could do that! If I could pick up the 30 lb weight and feel a relief that was gone, I can do another 22 lbs!

I am looking forward to this weekend and am confident about me and feel my self-esteem is higher than it has been in years and I hope that is what they see. The inches and pounds are a great icing on the cake, but it's my view of myself, my self-esteem that has been changed! I am not saying I hope people notice or comment, that's not the point, what I mean is that my happiness and how I carry myself has changed and that is what I want people to "see" in me. Regardless if they do or don't, I know it and honestly that really is all that matters! :)

This is my Friday and I doubt I will have time to post anything until Sunday possibly when I get back into town. Therefore everyone enjoy our weekends because I know I will!!! Those that will be in Aggieland this weekend I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL IT'S GOING TO BE A BLAST!!!!!!!

Treat Yourself

I made a really good decision yesterday that I have to share. After my workout at 4pm I headed to go do some errands and one was right by a Burger King - don't worry I promise! I have been craving Burger King french fries (they are my favorite) for a while now so I decided to go through the drive through and get the valve $1 size; the super small basically. I got a couple packets of ketchup and told myself that after 3 packets I was done regardless if I finished the fries or not. I finished the 3 packets, got through about 2/3s of the fries, put the rest in the bag and balled them up! I didn't eat that many but they were delicious and completely killed my craving! :) I was really proud of myself because I told myself this is what I am going to do and I stuck to it. I didn't need to eat them all - for a dollar I definitely got my fill and all that I needed without finishing them, it was fabulous. The next stop I got out and threw the bag away and haven't thought about them since. YAY! haha! It's the small victories, the NCVs that I like to take pleasure in, even though yesterday's scale victory was HUGE and so I treated myself to a new pair of boots!! Yes they are fabulous and I have had my eye on them since they hit to stores about a month and half ago or so and they were on sale this week and I decided I deserved them. :) I have them on today and loving them. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself and yesterday I treated myself to 2 treats, a yummy snack and a pair of fabulous boots.

It's Hump Day but for me I am already over half way done with the week - yay Thursday being my Friday and then this weekend is here. I absolutely can not wait - I am definitely taking the boots too :) Well enjoy your day and remember that it's okay to treat yourself for from time to time, you deserve it!

I REACHED MY 1ST GOAL!!

Okay I have kept this little secret that I need to share - I have had a goal since almost the beginning but haven't shared it because it was something I was hoping for but wasn't sure if I could reach it and I didn't want anyone to know about my disappointment if it didn't happen. I know I know that kinda defeats the purpose of this blog and being Honest but I was scared because it was something I really wanted and if I didn't get it, well no one would know. Looking back now I should have shared but oh well I didn't but it turned out for the best.

So a while back in July I was doing well and do remember asking my boyfriend, so I guess I somewhat shared this with one person, if he thought 163 lbs was feasible for when I went to Aggieland. I was somewhere around 176lb so that was 13 lbs to lose. He said I could do it but that was the last I ever talked about it. August came and I lost a whopping 3 lbs and I thought my goal was out of my reach. Well this morning I stepped on the scale like I normally do right before I get into the shower and it said 162.8 lbs!!!!! I actually just stood there smiling and couldn't move for a second. The first goal that I have really set on this journey I met! :) I know I fluctuate a lot during the week and I very well could go back up a tad before I leave but the point here is that I made it to my goal regardless!! I got into the shower and just stood in the water with my eyes closed smiling and realized that this journey is worth it, that what I am doing really is for me and I just couldn't be happier! August was hard and so was September, different in their own ways, but I got through them and I realize now is that I didn't give up, I kept going and I am really proud of myself!

Today for me is going to be a great day regardless that I am really tired and have A LOT of work to do - today I met my goal and there isn't anything that can wipe this smile off my face! :) ENJOY YOUR DAY!

Happy with ME!

I absolutely can not wait for the weekend this week! I am headed back to my Alma mater, Texas A&M and into Aggieland for a Swimming & Diving alumni weekend! This is the weekend that has been my motivation, the drive behind this journey these past couple of months. I fly into Dallas with my boyfriend (Yes he is coming I am soo excited!!) and my best friend and her husband pick us up at the airport and then off to College Station for a fun filled 45 hours or so until we head back to Dallas to get on a plane and come back. The thing I am really excited about is that I am not embarrassed anymore about the way I look. I still have a lot of walking to do along my journey but I am at a point where I am happy at what I see in the mirror and if I am happy with that then I will show that through my body language and being me. YAY!

This weekend I also did a lot to get myself back on track. I took my bridesmaid dress in to get it altered and the lady asked me when I bought the dress (which was mid-June: "Yes I am 2 sizes - Thank You!") and was surprised that she was taking in enough to make it 2 sizes smaller at least! YAY! That made me feel good. I bought the larger size for 2 reasons, it was the part at my boob/back that wouldn't zip up and that is part of my frame so I wasn't sure if I could make my frame shrink in time, which brings me to my 2nd reason which in the past I haven't been that great at losing weight and didn't want another episode of a best friend's wedding where my dress didn't fit. Well I proved myself wrong and that made me feel great! I get it back on November 2nd and hopefully it will fit like a glove. Sunday I went to town on putting myself back together. I deep cleaned my entire bathroom which I have been putting off for a while, I did all my laundry & put it all away, vacuumed the entire house, tidyed up my room and house, strengthened out my closet which needed it, and did my personal 2012 budget.

I am one of those people that has to have my life and living space in order to keep myself calm and de-stressed. I enjoy coming home to a room that is clean and tidy, even after a bad day it helps unwind me and relax me. When it isn't it just adds to the day and stresses me out more. I also need to be in control of my life and that helps, but my budget is a big thing. I have had a lot of stress in this area lately from an outside party and I am tired of letting this person have too much control over how I do things and this weekend I sat down and put together a budget for me for 2012 that is tight, but allows me to get rid of my debt in the next 10 months! That alone, getting it taken care of, took a huge weight off my shoulders. I have a lofty goal to hit before September next year and I want to hit it and I knew without a plan written out I would have a hard time achieving it so that's just what I did. The only thing I didn't do this weekend was put together a meal plan for this week and a couple coming up. That's okay the big thing I wanted to do I got done. YAY!

By the way I made Chili on Saturday and holy cow it was delicious! I decided to use mild Italian sausage with the lean beef and of course drained off all the fat afterwards - OMG it was amazing! I also used all low-sodium products and I could tell that helped. I have really discovered that there is no reason to buy regular anymore when there are low-sodium options now. It makes things taste better in my opinion. I used fresh veggies; onions and red & green bell pepper, fresh jalapenos from my garden and garlic too. I have the last bit for lunch today and definitely looking forward to it! :)

Enjoy your week and pray it is a fast 4 days - of ya I have Friday off! :)

October is back on track

Well life got in the way yesterday and I wasn't able to swim after work! I didn't leave work until 8pm yesterday evening and the pool at my YMCA closes at 9pm and I still had to run home and get contacts and I work 20 minute from home so that just wasn't going to happen. Not to mention I needed to get gas so I could make it home. Oh well what are you going to do?! I did make an attempt though because I recorded it at lunch time so I would "have" to go after work. I have done that from time to time and it helps because it makes me go by just putting another reason I "can't" skip out on it. haha! Hey whatever works right?!

I even tracked all my food yesterday NOT this morning. :) YAY me! However I was over again but I put everything including the Kit Kats that I ate and were delicious. This weekend is operation get Meghan back on track with eating for sure!! I am making chili and I am challenging myself to choose better ingredients without sacrificing taste.

I am looking forward to this weekend because I am putting myself back on track in many ways. if you haven't figured it out I am definitely a Control Freak when it comes to my life. I can admit it and I don't think there is anything wrong with it; everyone has their thing and this is one of mine. This weekend it will be putting myself back on the eating habits I need to be on. I know my sister will like it too because she likes it when I cook. I also need to look at my finances since my budget only goes through the end of this year and I need to work on next year and modifying the rest of this years. There have been a lot of changes lately in this area and I need to figure it all out. Finally I need to also get my room and bathroom back in order. It's funny how these things can stress me out when they get out of control and lately I have been too stressed out and I need to fix it all and purge that from my life. October for me is the month i am getting back on track and this weekend I am taking a big step forward with that!

Enjoy your weekends I know I will!! :)

Eating Out

It's Thursday YAY! Only 1 more day and then the weekend where I plan to relax and just enjoy sleeping in and cooking at home. That is something I need to be MUCH MUCH better at. Lately it seems like I have been eating out a lot and I really need to stop it. #1 it isn't good for me and #2 my piggy bank doesn't like it - haha! Especially with November coming up and I will be out of town sooo much and will not have a choice I really need to buckle down this month and get back to eating at home, planning out my meals and getting back on track. That is something I will be doing this weekend, planning out meals for the next week maybe even 2. I know it's a tad dorky but being that organized and putting myself back in control of my eating habits helps me and keeps me choosing the right choices. Plus I really enjoy cooking - it has always been a stress reliever for me and I miss it. Not o mention, planning out meals means that you stick to a plan when you go to the grocery store and you only buy what you need and can figure out how to stretch your dollar, I like that! :)

Well yesterday I didn't get to get in a "work-out" during work, it was crazy busy with a meeting from 11-12:45 and the amount of work I ate at my desk but just worked right on through and then didn't leave until 5:40 so that was a nice 9 hour and 40 minute day yesterday! The worst part is I still have a done to do today. I am hoping to get in even a small work out but I am not holding my breath. Yesterday I did go downtown with 2 friends for Art Walk and walked around for like an hour and half which was nice. I had a really good time! Today I am planning on going to the YMCA and swimming after work, well I hope to at least. I realize now as I am typing this that I left my contacts at home which makes things difficult. We'll see how it goes.

I also logged again my evening this morning and again went over. I need to get that back under control. However, eating out all the time doesn't help. Again this is going to get nipped in the butt fast this weekend. I already have plans for the rest of the week but after this week it is getting back under control. It's just soo easy to go out with your friends and eat out you know. Well I shouldn't say that this will completely stop because I do have a plan for Wednesday next week with an old friend and then the weekend of the 14th I'm out of town so that whole weekend will be eating out and there is no choice there. Oh well I work on minimizing it then as much as possible. haha!

Well October has been a good start regardless and I want it to stay that way. I heard this quote this morning on GMA in their dedication to Steve Jobs section and I thought I would share:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

KINDA

Yesterday I was upset that I had fallin a bit too far off my path and wanted to get back on and keep going. Well I did just that - kinda - yesterday! I worked out at 4pm since it was Tuesday. I didn't do too much as it had been a while and I didn't want to shock my body, plus I was tired, and I really was not in any mood to move so I decided to just walk on the treadmill at a fast pace for 30 minutes. I got in 2 miles and 190 calories gone! Yay me! I know not that much but I proud of myself and actually did feel better afterwards. Today I brought my bag again and at lunch plan to work out, however, my work-out partner is out sick which means I will have to gain the strength to do it myself. It will be a mental session too which is good. Probably just get onto one of  the machines and move for 30 minutes again.

I also tracked my food again - kinda - yesterday! I tracked my breakfast and then filled in the rest this morning.... ya I know but at least I finished it this morning and didn't leave it empty. However, Chili's killed me and I definitely went over on the calories. Honestly if it wasn't for the Southwestern Eggrolls I would have been fine, but they were soo yummy I just didn't care! haha! I also had 2 margaritas - hello 2 for 1 Happy Hour! I went with my sister as we had some celebrating to do since her big presentation was yesterday and it went well. The point is that I didn't lie and I got what I ate on the tracker and that is an accomplishment. I think I haven't tracked because I know I have been over and didn't want to record it. Nope it's all going on! This month I am going to do my best to get it all on the tracker, regardless!!!

Finding Motivation AGAIN!

I have been looking back through my blogs over the past month or so and WOW I have been stressed out and have really taken a side-step path. September definitely has been the hardest month for me in 2011. Thankfully it doesn't even compare in the slightest to last year, THANK GOD! Life just kinda snuck back in and butted it's ugly head up to remind me it was still here. I have talked about how life got in my way and got to be so unhealthy and gained all this weight, well last month I was HORRIBLE about tracking and exercising, I man I can probably count the total number of times I worked out on one hand, maybe I might need another but only a couple of fingers. It was kinda ridiculous! I have been preaching to myself that I can't let life change me, but at the same time I can't let it hold me down and get frustrated if things to do, but they shouldn't change this much.


I somehow managed to loose a good amount in September which still boggles my mind, but I know it was a roller coaster ride to do it and that part I am not too thrilled with. The worst part is I can't get back into this habit with Fall gearing up quickly because this always seems to be the hardest time of the year to stick to what you know is right. Looking forward, this month I go out of town to visit my Alma mater for an alumni weekend which I keep talking about and the reason for this public approach to changing my life. Obviously I will be eating out all weekend long as I will be out of town and it will be places that I miss and love and I am not picking the salad or grilled chicken breast with steamed veggies because that isn't what I miss! I also know there will be LOTS of drinking which I have learned this year truly how many calories drinking is. However, it's 1 weekend, it's not the norm so it shouldn't affect things long term and that is what I care about. However, what is important is getting back on track NOW so that that weekend isn't a big deal and is just a blurp on the radar on my journey. Then November I am out of town soo much it is going to be nuts. I am going to have to make good choices while I am at these places for work. I need to bring my gym bag with me and force myself to get up early and take care of working out. Then there is Thanksgiving and I am sorry that is one of my favorite all time meals and I will enjoy myself. The difference will be only eating until I am full verse stuffing myself, but I want the comfort and good stuff that I only get once a year, no low-fat, sugar-free versions! Again if I do things right it shouldn't matter and only be a blurp.

That is what I need to work back towards, but diligent and motivated to do what I need to do, make the right decisions. I have had a goal to complete the Gate River Run in March of 2012, a 15K here in Jacksonville. I have to start buckling down and start training so I can conquer the 9.3ish miles! My new goal after the October Alumni weekend will be March 10, 2012 - be healthy enough and in shape to complete and run most of a 15K. For now it's finding the motivation again to get back on track and make October a month I look back on and am proud of my accomplishments!

PS - I'm tired today and thought something funny would be appropriate to wake me up. I hope this picture works for you too! :) hahahaha

What's holding you back?

I have a lot of friends both close friends and ones that I have met through MFP that are on their own similar journeys like mine. I have often wondered what their stories are. No one gets to be unhealthy, gains lots of weight, or even looses a bunch of weight without a story. Is it something they are willing to share, are they embarrassed about it, is it holding them back, is it something that they haven't realized yet? I know for me it has been a lot easier since I put everything out on the table, in public and no longer made it all a secret. It is not something that is easy to do. In fact at first I was very embarrassed. The blog I wrote where I shared the picture that I am very heavy was hard, but it was something I needed to do - Changing Looks - but I was scared to post it. I'm not saying that this is the answer for everyone, but I wonder if it is just not telling someone that is holding them back. If they are not letting themselves look at the problem straight in the face and recognize it how can they figure out how to fix it?

For me I realized that I gained all this weight, let myself go because ultimately I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy with my work, with my love life, with who I was becoming, and the direction my life was going. I has some good things going and hid behind those, but ultimately the things that made me unhappy greatly out weighted the things that made me happy. I started to realize that at the end of last year a little but, but it wasn't until this summer when I truly started to understand them and face them. I had already changed most of them so they no longer where a problem, but I never addressed the issues that caused them. I finally did that and it was almost like loosing 5 lbs immediately. I could breath better and those areas I could change even more than I already had.

I wonder what would have happen if I never took that leap of faith last year, if I had let my life stay the way it was? I am sure that I would have figured things out but to what extent? There are soo many "what ifs" and I know I just talked about not letting  yourself think about them but I am soo happy now that I can't imagine not being here. I know I still have a ways to go, I am not done, but I know that in 2 weeks I will be proud to see my friends and proud of where my life is. It is definitely headed in the right direction and that is what I am excited about.

I have 11 days until I leave on the 12th for Texas. I ABSOLUTELY can not wait to go. This was the reason I started this blog, this is the drive I have been keeping in the front of my mind and it is almost here. :) These next 11 days are going to be great!